The ManKind Project of KY

Come join The ManKind Project® of KY for an Intro to Men's Work gathering the first Thursday of each month from 7:00 to 8:30pm.

Join us in exploring the realm of what it means to be a man. This free monthly event includes an exploration of the King, Lover, Magician, and Warrior archetype energies in all men and introduces the New Warrior Training Adventure®, a weekend retreat for men.

You are welcome to join us at 1728 Mellwood Avenue in Louisville, KY. For more information on MKP KY, please visit us on the Web at:

http://www.mkpky.org/

His Love, My Heart

His love for me is pure, more forgiving than I've ever been towards anyone who has wounded me.

There are many ways, and many days, I fall short of the man He wants me to be...when I buy into the lie that I'm unable to love someone just because they don't love me.

His love is revolutionary. It knocks on the door of my heart when:

• I think my pastor is an asshat.
• when I choose porn over the Bible.
• stuffing my belly is more important than prayer.
• it's all about me and never about Him.
• the seasons of selfishness never change.
• I judge and judge those judging me.

When I look into the mirror, what I really don't want to see is my reflection in the cross. I don't want to see how much He loves me, how deeply He's ransomed my heart with His life, how He has replaced a heart of stone with a good heart.

He bore stripes for me. And when my heart cares about someone or something else, I can see a shadow of His deeper wounds on my flesh. And He knocks on the door of my heart, the heart He has redeemed. 'Is there room at the inn for me?'

There are many days, and many ways, I don't want to look at Him or look for Him. I'd rather say something cool on Facebook or wonder when the next e-mail will arrive. I'd much prefer resentment over forgiveness. I'll hide in the middle of life and throw stones when I think no one is looking. And I'll be afraid -- scared of being the man He created me to be.

Far too few are the days when I intentionally go out to walk with Him. I wake up whenever it pleases me. I can ignore suffering and call it surviving. Man, I'd rather be me than you. Sometimes I'm ashamed to be a man when I look at the men I know. Most of the time, because I'm afraid to look at Him, I'll look at the men I know and tell myself they are so much better than me. Or I'll hate them. Or I'll ignore them. He still takes time to knock on the door of my heart...

I don't tell enough people I love Him. I assume my singleness is seen as loneliness. He is the best friend I've ever had. His love for me is embarrassing in its depth, its intimacy, its strength, its endurance. There are many ways, and many days, I've heard His knocking on the door of my heart and turned away, pretended not to hear, turned up the music of my life and waited for Him to go away.

If I'm right, He loved me enough to die for me. If I'm wrong, He loved me enough to die for me. That will always make Him a better man than me. Sometimes I want to open the door and invite Him in, hoping He would stay, stay and not go, stay forever.

Because He loves me, He is knocking.

Who's On Your List?

This list is nearly 28 years old, and will mean absolutely nothing to you. But what memories it holds:

"Returning to NYC, the first day, Mark, P.J., kamakazi, Dom, Linda, Paige's party, Animal House, Sue, Danny, Tuborg™, Asteroids™, Teddy, WMVL Radio 630 AM, Pao, Hanz, Scott, Brian Kenny, going to The Apple, Julian, getting closer with Fox Chase, Karen Tracy, the Halloween Party, Dave Seaman, Mark Seaman, Rosie, Gonzo, Pablo, the Snow, Langley, Greyhound™, John Lennon, Katie, Kay Nickens, Fernando, the Low Life Party, Tracy, meeting Mark Chibbaro, Jerry, the Valentine's dance, Vitamin F, Fort Lee, Miriam, the Laundry Room, cruising in The Lincoln, Gla, Theresa, Coop, One Eye, Billy Franz, Mikey, the TR-7, Mt. St. Mary's, the Pre-Med Office, the ABSCAM phone, Betty Buckley, Cara, surfing, Chibbaro's party, the Formal, the Toga Party, numerous acts of drunken depravity...and knowing that whatever I did, I would have to enjoy it, for life isn't for playing it safe." (From Journal Three - Redemption: August 13, 1981, pp. 87-88).

As I continue to harvest my 29 year discipline of journal keeping (author John Eldredge says that "Journals chronicle journeys"), I was amazed that God gave me such a memory gift this evening. So, why share it with you?

Who's on your list?

Memory, I believe, is a powerful force that God can, and will, use to teach those who follow Him important lessons. Funny, when I read Scripture I see countless examples of people of God with "short memories." I can relate! How many times has God shown me something about myself -- only for me to forget the memory of what He revealed and find myself dealing with the same emotion or circumstance or consequence once again? Frustrating, yes...but that doesn't make me hopeless. Actually, finding this "list" tonight in an old journal made me beam with hope -- the hope that God is actually as present today as He was in my yesterday and will be in my tomorrow.

O God, the memories my list evokes:

Returning home, starting a new life, new beginnings, a freshman in college, a best friend, a crush on a sophomore beauty, a potent drink, a dorm RA who offered me beer and pot, learning how to flirt, making friends that would last years, being a DJ on the radio, rugby, a friend who has since died, stolen kisses, real East Coast snow, philosophy, traveling by bus, the death of John Lennon, roommates, cousins, falling in love with a girl and her sports car, the campus bar, cruising with a good friend, all the booze and dope a young man could consume, forming a fraternity on a campus that didn't have any, rebellion, love, and making classes in between it all.

Sin? Oh, for sure. Fun? Oh, fuggedaboutit...

For me, it reminds me what a knucklehead I was in my youth -- and still am. It shows me how forgiving God has been to me, and how that models the forgiveness I should bestow to others in my life. It also shows me how far I've come, and how, in a way, I've lost an aliveness in my heart that, apart from sin, has been crushed to death by the "should" and "ought to" that life piles onto The List -- you know, the one that I'm supposed to live by, even as a Christian.

I know not all of you journal (or, for the feminine, keep diaries). But in the still of tonight, give yourself -- and your heart -- permission to pull up a list that you've thought was long forgotten. As I was reading the one I started this entry with, the memories were still fresh, vibrant, and alive...28 years later!! The people were there, the moments frozen in the times of my heart, not aging, not good nor bad nor ugly...just what they were...life. My life, the life that God has redeemed, and the heart that He has ransomed.

Yes, it's true...I've been a bad, bad boy. And, in some ways, a terrible man. But God has a plan and a purpose for all of us, even me. And I believe He led me to that list this very night for part of that plan and a part of that purpose. Yes, Lord, I remember. Yes, God, I can laugh. And, yes, Father, I want more of what it brought up in my heart...a desire to be a man alive!!