Love One Another

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34 NIV)

All my life, one of the strongest desires of my heart has been to have love -- to be loved and to love. I loved many things as a child: the family dog, the Beatles, performing magic shows for my family, playing the drums, reading The Hardy Boys novels, watching old time horror movies, collecting baseball cards, and riding my bike.

I've been in love many times. These girls/women have names: Denise, Kelly, Stephanie, Karen, Mary, Andrea, Dororthy, JoEllen, Gay, Linda, Miriam, Theresa, Anita, Lori, Megan, Nicki, Patty, Angela, Tabitha, Melissa, Gayleen, Angie, Lisa, Abby, Amy, Carolyn, Anna. To each of them I gave a piece of my heart, wrapped in a desire to love and be loved. In some ways, I imagine I tore off a piece of their heart when the reality of love ended.

As an adult, lost in addiction and shadow, I've loved many things: drugs, sex, pornography, food, anger, isolation, laziness, fear, pride, sleep, self-destruction, quitting, and perfectionism. These love affairs have nothing to do with the true desires of my heart. They are, in many ways, just the opposite -- easy ways out of loving myself, others, and especially God.

"Love one another."

The love Christ commands here is distinct. First, it is sacrificial love, modeled on His love ("...as I loved you"). Further on in the Gospel of John, Jesus teaches His disciples the truth of what He is about to do -- die on the cross in the supreme act of love that mankind has ever been shown. "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." (John 15:12-13 NKJV)

There are days when, but for a moment, a flash, that in the deepest truth of my heart I know it's a good day to die. As a believer in, and disciple of, Christ, I understand how love -- such a small word bearing inexplicable strength -- could be of such priority. "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." (John 3:16 NASB)

"...if you love one another."

Easier said than done. The apostle Paul, in his letter to the Romans, set the bar: "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." (Romans 12:9-13 NIV, italics added)

My acts of love to the one another's in my life have always fallen so far short of the model that includes sincerity, devotion, honor, spiritual fervor, joy, patience, faith, sharing, and hospitality. I give praise to the Lord for His example -- set in truth and action before the cross, with His death, and empowered through His Spirit following His resurrection and ascension.

Finally, let us -- yes, one another -- hear the words of Paul in his First Letter to the church at Corinth. Keep in mind: Paul, formerly Saul of Tarsus, didn't exactly embody love in his early years.

"And now I will show you the most excellent way...Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." (1 Corinthians 13:1, 4-8 NIV)

As a child of God, as a man among men, I choose love. I open the eyes of my heart today, looking at you, searching for the bridge, embracing the desire to love and be loved.

Yes, Lord -- it is, indeed, a good day to die!

As Raindrops Fall...

"Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge." (Psalm a6:1 NIV)

These simple words of prayer and need were offered by David, the mighty king of Israel. We all know the story of David and Goliath (1 Samuel 17:1-69), whether we be a slave to Christ or enslaved by sin. As raindrops fall from a cold, gray October sky, I can see giants on the horizon -- and I wonder, even in faith, if I have enough stones left in my pouch or if my aim will stay true at the moment of battle.

As a child, I can recall nightmares of giant shadow figures towering over me, capturing my heart in chains of fear, my screams of terror caught in a place that would not surrender them. As a man, I found out those giants were real, bearing the armor of addiction, pornography, selfishness, and pride. Unlike David, I was not ready for battle, absent of faith, and ran in fear, only to end up captured by the Enemy.

As raindrops fall, I sense the tears of God for all the times He stood waiting to forgive me -- only to turn from the rebellion and sin I chose instead to embrace. O, what grace He has given to me! As the fall winds blow, as the leaves die and tumble to the ground, and as I grow older, I long for times lost and desire times to be. Yet, as raindrops fall, I hear the call of the now, the voice of God's Spirit, telling me "Do not let go of My hand. I will lead you on."

On the horizon, the giants loom, ready to advance in battle against my heart. I have repented of drugs and pornography, so the giants of temptation rattle their swords and thunder their promises of pleasure into the winds of war. I am unemployed, homeless, and penniless, so the giants of shame, fear, and anger stand tall against the light of hope, their shadows an obstacle before my courage. I am a single man, so the giants of loneliness and sadness shield me from seeing my gifts and expend their power in focusing my heart onto what it longs for but does not have. And I am a Christian, a warrior for the Lord, so the armies of Satan, beasts without number, giants so tall as to block out the sun, assemble before me, their only intent being to crush me with sin and have me reject the salvation I received.

As raindrops fall, I want to give up, give in. I want to go back to sleep, hide from the world, be a glutton, chase laziness, worship lust, masturbate, get high, disengage from biblical community, turn my back on men I trust, curse the world for abandoning me, and pretend as if God doesn't care. "Do not let go of My hand."

So the raindrops fall. I await the sun. Let the raindrops fall. I long for the moon and the stars. And the raindrops fall...I am still a child of God, a man among men, not afraid of giants -- I've seen them fall before. "The LORD thunders at the head of His army; His forces are beyond number, and mighty are those who obey His command." (Joel 2:11 NIV)

I turn from the giants on the horizon. Behind me, I see the countless. I see my brothers in Christ. I see my Warrior brothers. I see my strength, my courage, my heart. And from behind me now, I hear His voice saying "I will lead you on."

I turn around, and He is glorified. He is the sun, He is the rain, He is the moon and the stars, and He is the Truth. I fear not the giants, for they cannot be seen past His glory. To war, men...to war!! I drop the stones and the sling as I raise my hands to the King. As raindrops fall, so will the giants.

A Slacker for God's Glory

In his letter to the Colossians, Paul puts it bluntly: "We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ. For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works in me." (Colossians 1:25-29 NASB, italics mine)

Reading that and looking into the mirror of truth, that pretty much makes me a slacker.

As I turn away from the mirror (who likes looking into there?), I let the thoughts march their way from mind to heart: "You really don't tell as many people what Jesus has done for you, do you? You miss plenty of opportunities to gently warn others of the consequences of sin, don't you? You leave the teaching for someone else to do -- besides, you don't want to accept your own wisdom, do you? And labor? You are unemployed (again), penniless (again), soon to be homeless and living in a shelter (again) -- after all, you're striving just to keep your head above water, aren't you?"

Fighting fear, I step back in front of the mirror. Yep, that's me -- a slacker for God's glory.

George MacDonald, a favorite of C.S. Lewis, also took a gaze into the mirror and summed up the position most children of God find themselves in: "His children are not His real, true sons and daughters until they think like Him, feel with Him, judge as He judges, are at home with Him, and without fear before Him because He and they mean the same thing, love the same things, seek the same ends. For this are we created; it is the one end of our being, and includes all other ends whatever." (Unspoken Sermons)

I have no doubt that Christ entered my heart and life on June 21, 2005. I heard His call to come to Him -- and I answered. I am certain that He has been faithful to begin the mighty work of eradicating and destroying decades worth of sinful living at the false altars of drugs, sex, and pride -- and He will finish this good work. I can check off the "good Christian" list of attributes: baptized √, joined a church √, attend Sunday school √, read my Bible √, pray often √, do good works and acts of service √, tithe √, and share my faith with others √.

As I walk away from the mirror (again), I ask myself: "Isn't that enough?" It isn't long before the heart speaks to the head: "Are you seeking genuine companionship with God -- or just living your life as it seems best to you?"

What's a slacker to do?

I'm glad that the biblical term for leader is Lord. I need Christ's authority, leadership, and direction in my life -- the now of my life. "...striving according to His power, which mightily works in me." On my own, left to living my life as it seems best to me, a slacker is the best I can be, falling short as perfectly as one apart from the Lord will.

But, as I step back in front of the mirror one more time (courage in His power), I see a man who is accepted, loved, and forgiven -- by God, for certain, and -- little by little -- by the man in mirror, more and more as I continue on the glorious path of masculine initiation and the search for my authentic, magnificient heart transplanted by God Himself.

John Eldredge pierces the heart of any slacker for God's glory with an invitation/challenge: "What if? What if those deep desires in our hearts are telling us the truth, revealing to us the life we were meant to live? God gave us eyes so that we might see; He have us ears that we might hear; He gave us wills that we might choose, and He gave us hearts that we might live. (Wild at Heart. 2001: Thomas Nelson, Inc., p. 18)

See. Hear. Choose. Live.

I don't see much slack in that. For His glory...

For more information on men's work at the local level here in KY, please visit The ManKind Project at http://www.mkpky.org/. For further insight into the work of John Eldredge, please visit http://www.ransomedheart.com/. To keep up-to-date with my journey of masculine initiation and men's work, please subscribe to this site (http://www.hisgraceamazing.blogspot.com/).

An Open Letter to Men

"Be brave. Seek truth. Speak from your heart."

In my morning meditation, these are the words God breathed into my quiet time. When I began to examine myself in their light, I became unsettled. Bravery, truth, heart. As my True Father leads me further along a renewed path of masculine initiation, such words are both familiar signposts and silent warnings. Yet, in my walk with Him, I choose peace -- not fear.

"Be brave..."

Here and now, I seek to live as a man of integrity, accountability, and connection to feeling. Do you? I sometimes look around me at church and see men who are...boring. A love of theology and doctrine, good works and compassion is not, of itself, wrong -- but if I'm brave enough to look at myself as a man (created in His image and likeness), I long to see myself as powerful, authentic, and bold. In Wild at Heart (2001: Thomas Nelson, Inc.), John Eldredge asks and answers: "The Lord is a gentleman??? Not if you're in the service of His enemy. God has a battle to fight, and the battle is for our freedom." (p. 25)

Where are the brave men who live authentically from the heart, who identify feelings with clarity and maturity, and who bring intimacy into their relationships? Where are the brave men who long to support other men in their journey, who are accountable and responsible for their own behavior, and who are living life as a man -- not a little boy in disguise? Where are the brave men who stand in integrity, who seek empowerment over victimhood, who live intentionally, and who are willing to be courageous enough to get clean with themselves and others in search of true forgiveness? Where are the brave men who have a sense of mission, a heart of passion, who live for dreams even though some shatter, and see the beauty and strength of masculinity?

Be brave -- looking into the mirror, you may see that such a man is you. If not, who do you see in the reflection? Created in His image...Where are you going to find this man?

"Seek the truth..."

In his song, The Boxer, Paul Simon speaks about the fight each man must engage: "In the clearing stands a boxer/And a fighter by his trade/And he carries the reminders/Of every glove that laid him down/and cut him till he cried out/in his anger and his shame/'I am leaving, I am leaving'/But the fighter still remains." (© 1968 by Paul Simon)

As a man among men, I am always in the hunt for truth -- and I will have to climb into the ring to fight for it. The world, in case you aren't up on current events (many men choose sleep over vigilance), is a continuum of lies. The One who created me has also declared: "If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." (John 8:31-32 NASB)

I run from the truth as a man held captive by the world and its lies as much as I seek the truth as a man created in His image. I run from it (or used to) with drugs, pornography, self-destructive emotions, isolation, arrogance, hedonism, laziness, vulgarity over honesty, material selfishness, gluttony, and fear of both failure and success.

Where are the honest men, seeking truth over the plastic smiles and "Everything's fine!!" smiles, seeking truth in their hearts instead of their wallets, and willing to admit they aren't cutting it as friends, brothers, fathers, or husbands? Where are the honest men, seeking truth in the darkest places of their souls, remaining in the fight despite the pummeling blows of the Lie Maker, fighting on in the Name of Truth, in the image and likeness of the One who created them? Where are the men seeking truth who are willing to pull the Arrows out of their own wounds and not fire them back at other men, and where are the honest men who, when pulling the Arrows out, are willing to seek the truth as to who fired them into their heart?

Be honest -- looking at your life, you may discover that such a man is you. If not, are you longing to seek the truth in your life? Created in His image...How are you going to seek this man?

"Speak from the heart..."

In a speech given by Nelson Mandela, the words used from the heart -- spoken by a man and resonating with this man -- give a sense of a powerful voice that has been silenced by an absence of masculine initiation in our culture: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us...And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

So, ponder this question: In your life as a man, do you want more? I speak from my heart -- as a man among men, I will go the distance to become wholehearted. My Mission is to make manifest the glory of God by loving me and loving you.

I seek to serve as an individual man with passion and responsibility while serving in communities of men whose goal is to create a safe world. And, from the heart, I accept the call to initiation at the hands of He who created me in His image and likeness.

Are you ready? Men are waiting...

For more information on men's work at the local level here in KY, please visit The ManKind Project of Kentucky, Inc.™ at http://www.mkpky.org/. For further insight into the work of John Eldredge, please visit http://www.ransomedheart.com/. To keep up-to-date with my journey of masculine initiation and men's work, please subscribe to this site (http://www.hisgraceamazing.blogspot.com/).

The Heart in the Cross

Like many men, I do some of my best reading while on the throne. Today was no exception in my kingdom -- I'm traveling through SHATTERED DREAMS by Larry Crabb (2001: Water Brook Press). And this is what I read:

"If I were her pastor, I would want to preach in the spirit of the New Covenant, inviting Naomi and everyone in the congregation to see the heart of God revealed in the cross of Christ. I would encourage them to interpret all of life's hardships not as problems to fix or struggles to relieve or pain to deaden, but as important elements in a larger story that all God's children long to tell. I would urge them to accept wherever they are on the journey, whether happy or miserable, as the place where God will meet them, where He loves them, where He will continue to work in them. And I would offer my own life as a growing, struggling, sometimes painfully unattractive example of what doing that might mean." (p. 81, emphasis added)

In Crabb's book (subtitled "God's Unexpected Pathway to Joy"), the Scriptural story of Ruth and Naomi is unpacked. As God, my True Father, leads me on a journey of masculine initiation, I am in search of my heart -- not the "old man" heart of continuous sin but the redeemed heart, created anew in the power of Christ, the heart of flesh, the masculine heart beating with the purpose of the Creator. I offer to you who are reading this a question: What about the heart?

A week ago I inquired of the Lord that very question. His answer to me was quick and decisive: "Be strong for Me, be courageous -- and give to Me your heart. You will be stronger through Me than you ever could be on your own. And your courage will have no end through Mine. Give Me all your heart -- the good, bad, and ugly. I will heal it, and I will love through it."

The Lord is calling to my heart! "Then God said, 'Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness...'" (Genesis 1:26 NASB) I have been made to resemble the Father, Son, and Spirit. So what about the heart? The first mention of "heart" in Scripture comes at the corruption of mankind, when the "wickedness" in man's heart was continual, grieving God in His (Genesis 6:5-6)

I believe, as a follower of Christ, the Christ of the cross, the Christ who redeems and heals the hearts of His believers, that this tells me, as one created in His image, that the heart is meant for good. God's good heart grieved over man's wicked heart, as any True Father would mourn watching the center of His True Son go astray. Each of us as men have elements to a larger story we are desperate to tell -- not only to ourselves, but to each other as men and also to our Eternal Father.

Presently, I am in a Boyhood stage of initiation at the hands of God. He understands that in the past, over many years, I felt missed, wounds were received, and a boy's heart was broken in the war of growing up with a wounded father. "...accept wherever they are on the journey..." Part of the larger story I long to tell my True Father was captured years ago in an article this author wrote for The ManKind Project Louisville (http://www.louisville.mkp.org/ or http://www.mkp.org/) entitled "Is It A Hate Crime To Love Myself?"

"If asked to describe what the war seems like to me, I would say it's constantly a battle of two sides -- one that hates myself against the side that doesn't know how to love...Both sides of the war trade secrets all the time. Casualties are high on any given day. Neither side knows how to win, nor does either army know how to surrender. I sometimes don't want to stop hating myself because all there would be left is this huge bombed-out crater in my soul that would demand peace talks, and then...love. I sometimes don't want to love myself, even when others are loving me, when the peacekeepers arrive and tell me that the war is over...In loving myself I commit no crime...In this war, if nothing changes everything is lost. If I choose the power to change my beliefs of hate towards myself, I open up negotiations towards a settlement between opposing forces. I surrender to the possibility that both sides, even in pain, want peace."

So, another question: "Where, for you, is the wherever on your journey you may not be accepting?" I mean this with all sincerity -- don't look at the men who surround you, whether it be at the office, in church, or in your family. In WILD AT HEART (2001: Thomas Nelson, Inc.), John Eldredge (http://www.ransomedheart.com/) says "The wilderness trial of Christ is, at its core, a test of his identity. 'If you are who you think you are...' If a man is ever to find out who he is and what he's here for, he has got to take that journey for himself. He has got to get his heart back." (p. 6)

I invite you to witness through these postings what growing, struggling, and painfully unattractive looks like to me on the journey of masculine initiation at the hands of God. God will restore me as the Beloved Son. My heart will be healed, strong and courageous, a New Covenant heart in the likeness of its Creator. By His grace amazing, I am ready to believe that there is a place in my Father's heart which no one but me can fill. And that heart -- His and mine -- is in the cross of Christ.

So brothers...men...what about your heart?

The journey continues...

A Letter To My Father

In his book, Wild at Heart, John Eldredge notes:

"Every boy, in his journey to become a man, takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength. Because the wound is rarely discussed and even more rarely healed, every man carries a wound. And the wound is nearly always given by his father."
Eldredge, John. Wild at Heart. (2001). Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, Inc., p. 60.



Over the past several weeks, my True Father, God, has invited me to join Him on a journey to discover the new -- and masculine -- heart He created for me. I believe what Scripture tells me: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." (Ezekiel 36:26 NIV)


It feels as if I've pulled fifty arrows from my heart of flesh recently. I'm no stranger to men's work or the sojourn of examining my own wounded masculinity. At the age of 46, I was given the courage to pull those arrows out of my center and tell my birth father what damage they've done. Even though he died in 1996, the following letter -- written to him just days ago -- is the first time I've articulated such a deep wound in me.


In sharing this with you, I encourage you as men -- whether believers in God or not -- that perhaps the truest map to discovering what our hearts were designed for can only come from the One who created it. My life's verse holds true: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)


The journey continues...and He will lead me -- and love me -- through territory and uncharted lands created by Him, for I was created in His image, as are men, to be wild, dangerous, unfettered, and free.



Dear Dad:

I'm writing this letter to you because I'm hurting REALLY bad over my memories of childhood and beyond. There's a lot of sadness and fear and anger over how you fathered me -- AND HOW YOU DIDN'T!


Our last words to each other the night before you died were "I love you." I can't remember you telling me that -- or showing me -- a lot over my life. WHY? Did you love me or appreciate me? Did I matter to you? Where you EVER proud of me? Did you ever care about what made me happy? Why didn't you ever try to rescue me when I first got into trouble with drugs? Why didn't you teach me things I needed to know? Would it have hurt you to encourage me? Why did you hate me so much?


If someone asked me to describe you, I'd say "Well, he did work hard, provided -- but he seemed really unhappy, angry, emotionally distant, unloving, bitter." I can never recall being proud of you. I hated it when you fought with Mom -- always, it seemed, over money, or how one of us kids (all of us?) were useless. Yet you always seemed to pay them all more attention (love?) than me.


I really think a healthy portion of the blame for who I turned out to be rests at your feet. Why didn't you raise me better? You always seemed to have more joy for Mickey, Jeff, and Tim as your sons. What about me? When I was in rehab in 1985, I feel as if you only showed up so that you could get back together with Mom. You didn't care I was hurting so much, how I had gotten so deep into trouble with drugs, had been kicked out of college. You just wanted to make a show of it so that Mom would come home and take care of you.


I know you did things for me, "paid my way" so many times, provided shelter, food, clothes, medical help, education. But I needed you to father me, raise me, love me, show me I was important. I don't have these memories. I hate you for that. No wonder my life has been so screwed up, so much fear, anger, shame, sadness, drugs, sex, selfishness, running away, quitting -- YOU NEVER SHOWED ME A BETTER WAY! You never showed me a father. You never taught me how to be a boy, a man, a son.


I'm also writing to you to tell you I'm no longer an orphan. I've been adopted by a real Father, my True Father -- God. He loves me, needs me, delights in me, disciplines me out of love, teaches me, guides me, is my friend. I'm not even sure if you ever knew Him -- I know you went to church. But you never talked about God with me, either. One more important thing I had to come to on my own. I LOVE MY NEW DADDY!!


What made you the way you were? Why didn't you love us? Why did you have so many children if you didn't have joy for us? I'm like you a lot, without joy -- but sometimes I think I learned all the ways I never wanted to be like you by watching you in hopes that you would become all the things I wanted you to become -- loving, caring, happy, strong. You never did. Why not? What went so wrong?


My new Father wants me to forgive you for all the missed opportunities, the loss of love, and for all the pain you NOT fathering me has caused my life. He wants to heal me in all these broken places in my heart that you did damage to. You let me down so much. You failed me -- when I didn't know you did, when I thought you did, and when I needed you not to. My boyhood suffered because of it. My teenage years were lonely because of it. My young adulthood was a disaster because of it. And my maturity has been deficient because of it. I needed you so much -- and it makes me sad to know you can't father me.


I have given my broken heart to God, my new Father, my True Father. He will heal me. He will love me. I will ask Him to help me forgive you. I will ask Him to heal those painful memories that have hurt me for so long. I know He will because I am His Beloved Son -- He tells me so in His Word. I am sad that you lived so long in pain instead of joy -- I've done the same, but I will no longer live like this. Maybe you learned how not to love me from your father. You were his only son -- I don't know how he hurt you. I will be healed by my True Father for all the hurtful and abusive ways you talked to and treated me. I will be loved to wholeness by my True Father despite all the times you threatened or assaulted me. My True Father is ALWAYS there for me -- He will fill in every gap and empty space you created in my heart and life.


Dad, I let go of you now. You're dead and buried in Pennsylvania -- NOT IN MY NEW HEART IN CHRIST!! I will choose to honor you with forgiveness instead of anger. I will heal instead of hate. And I will be fathered by God in all the ways you failed -- HE WILL RAISE ME AS HIS BELOVED SON! I will be the son you never believed I could be, the son my True Father is proud of, loves deeply, and will never hurt.


Please subscribe to my blog to stay in touch with me on my journey of renewed masculine initiation with God. For more information on John Eldredge, please visit his Website at www.ransomedheart.com. For more information on men's work across the globe, visit The ManKind Project at http://www.mkp.org/. Please feel free to send a link to my blog to men you know -- http://www.hisgraceamazing.blogspot.com/

I Wanted to Kick Satan's Ass!

Okay, so I am not drinking/drugging/porning anymore. No need to congratulate me for responsible behavior. I have a bit of pent up frustration in being unemployed -- obviously God has a plan and a purpose (and a job) for me. But it is a bit disheartening not to cut the mustard, so to speak, in terms of being "qualified" to be a janitor or a stockboy. So, instead, I wanted to kick Satan's ass!

Now, I realize that Jesus has already done the job. Praise You, Lord!! But there are days, like today, I wanted to invite the Serpent of Old into the square ring and bust a Rocky Balboa on his already defeated, lying self. Secular as he is, Rocky has always been a hero to me. I've spent 28 years in the ring of sinning with drugs and pornography, and only recently have I understood what the Lord did for ME on the Cross at Calvary. FREEDOM!! But, in return, He wants me to follow Him. John 12:25-26 is good for me to remember here: "He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him."

Rocky had some tough opponents: Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang, Ivan Drago, Tommy Gunn, and Mason "The Line" Dixon. Win or lose, the Itallion Stallion found his heart both in and out of the ring. Of course, Rocky isn't Jesus, and in the battle of Good vs. Evil, I am proud to announce (spoiler ahead for the unbeliever!) that, at the final bell, Jesus stands victorious over Satan. So, I ask myself: "Why do I want to fight the Devil?"

Then it hits me...that's what I've done for the past 28 years!! I've climbed into the ring with him, and he's hit me with his 1-2 combination of drugs & sex. Down goes Fontaine! For so long, I kept getting up, just like Rocky, going the distance, only to wade into the flurry of punches I met. BAM! BOOM! DOWN GOES JOHNNY...AGAIN!! Punchdrunk? Stupid? Bullheaded?

In a way, I believe God has given me not only a "new heart" for Him, but also unmeasurable depths of perseverance. Yes, I keep coming back. And finally...finally...I've understood that I can humble myself before my Lord and Savior to let Satan raise his own arms in "victory" over me. It doesn't matter what the Enemy believes or thinks...he just wants me to keep fighting against him, keep "coming back" to the pleasures of sin, and keep being pummeled into the canvas of the ring time after time after time. I've finally gone all the distance I'm going in my desire to kick Satan's ass...I'm throwing in the towel and embracing my corner man, Jesus Christ!! He loves me, loves my battered and bruised soul back to life, and whispers into my ear, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Now, come follow Me!"

Spiritual warfare continues. I still have to fight against the temptations to climb into the ring at the behest of the Enemy. But in Christ my freedom is eternal. In the Lord my strength comes in humbling myself to hang up the gloves. And in Jesus I can raise my hand in victory, for His glory. His final bell will ring on the glorious Day of His choosing.