Who's On Your List?

This list is nearly 28 years old, and will mean absolutely nothing to you. But what memories it holds:

"Returning to NYC, the first day, Mark, P.J., kamakazi, Dom, Linda, Paige's party, Animal House, Sue, Danny, Tuborg™, Asteroids™, Teddy, WMVL Radio 630 AM, Pao, Hanz, Scott, Brian Kenny, going to The Apple, Julian, getting closer with Fox Chase, Karen Tracy, the Halloween Party, Dave Seaman, Mark Seaman, Rosie, Gonzo, Pablo, the Snow, Langley, Greyhound™, John Lennon, Katie, Kay Nickens, Fernando, the Low Life Party, Tracy, meeting Mark Chibbaro, Jerry, the Valentine's dance, Vitamin F, Fort Lee, Miriam, the Laundry Room, cruising in The Lincoln, Gla, Theresa, Coop, One Eye, Billy Franz, Mikey, the TR-7, Mt. St. Mary's, the Pre-Med Office, the ABSCAM phone, Betty Buckley, Cara, surfing, Chibbaro's party, the Formal, the Toga Party, numerous acts of drunken depravity...and knowing that whatever I did, I would have to enjoy it, for life isn't for playing it safe." (From Journal Three - Redemption: August 13, 1981, pp. 87-88).

As I continue to harvest my 29 year discipline of journal keeping (author John Eldredge says that "Journals chronicle journeys"), I was amazed that God gave me such a memory gift this evening. So, why share it with you?

Who's on your list?

Memory, I believe, is a powerful force that God can, and will, use to teach those who follow Him important lessons. Funny, when I read Scripture I see countless examples of people of God with "short memories." I can relate! How many times has God shown me something about myself -- only for me to forget the memory of what He revealed and find myself dealing with the same emotion or circumstance or consequence once again? Frustrating, yes...but that doesn't make me hopeless. Actually, finding this "list" tonight in an old journal made me beam with hope -- the hope that God is actually as present today as He was in my yesterday and will be in my tomorrow.

O God, the memories my list evokes:

Returning home, starting a new life, new beginnings, a freshman in college, a best friend, a crush on a sophomore beauty, a potent drink, a dorm RA who offered me beer and pot, learning how to flirt, making friends that would last years, being a DJ on the radio, rugby, a friend who has since died, stolen kisses, real East Coast snow, philosophy, traveling by bus, the death of John Lennon, roommates, cousins, falling in love with a girl and her sports car, the campus bar, cruising with a good friend, all the booze and dope a young man could consume, forming a fraternity on a campus that didn't have any, rebellion, love, and making classes in between it all.

Sin? Oh, for sure. Fun? Oh, fuggedaboutit...

For me, it reminds me what a knucklehead I was in my youth -- and still am. It shows me how forgiving God has been to me, and how that models the forgiveness I should bestow to others in my life. It also shows me how far I've come, and how, in a way, I've lost an aliveness in my heart that, apart from sin, has been crushed to death by the "should" and "ought to" that life piles onto The List -- you know, the one that I'm supposed to live by, even as a Christian.

I know not all of you journal (or, for the feminine, keep diaries). But in the still of tonight, give yourself -- and your heart -- permission to pull up a list that you've thought was long forgotten. As I was reading the one I started this entry with, the memories were still fresh, vibrant, and alive...28 years later!! The people were there, the moments frozen in the times of my heart, not aging, not good nor bad nor ugly...just what they were...life. My life, the life that God has redeemed, and the heart that He has ransomed.

Yes, it's true...I've been a bad, bad boy. And, in some ways, a terrible man. But God has a plan and a purpose for all of us, even me. And I believe He led me to that list this very night for part of that plan and a part of that purpose. Yes, Lord, I remember. Yes, God, I can laugh. And, yes, Father, I want more of what it brought up in my heart...a desire to be a man alive!!