Temporal Weakness, Eternal Strength

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed…”

In reading Paul’s words from his Second Letter to the Corinthians (4:7-9 NASB), I imagine him thinking, ‘Life is hard, but I will not lose heart.’ Yet, in such temporal weakness, Paul discovered an eternal strength: the power of God the Creator is endless, while the fleeting power of “…the god of this world…” (4:3 NASB) – Satan – ultimately blinds many to the truth of the gospel.

And life is hard. Allow me to share some of my own thoughts recently penned:

“I’m not even sure where to begin to pray – or for what. The loneliness kills me; the poverty crushes me into dust. I look over my shoulder and see the wake of a wasted life. I look ahead of me and see nothing. The constant nothing of the now has become unbearable.” (Nov. 7, 2009, JOURNAL FORTY: Ransomed Heart – A Battle to Fight, p. 163)

A mere 24 hours ago I felt an increasing terror of hopelessness, the confusion of trying to figure a way out of a life seemingly crushed, despaired, forsaken, and destroyed. Through the words of John Piper in a small book called When the Darkness Will Not Lift (2006, Crossway Books), I was guided to the fourth chapter of 2 Corinthians. Weeping tears of joy, I realized my weakness is essential to God – and like this earthen vessel my body now lives in such weakness is temporal. God’s grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love – foundations for His power – are eternal. But they must be sought, desired, and accepted.

Most of my life I’ve been searching for a cure from afflictions, as if Frodo Baggins of the Shire carrying the One Ring but without the hope of reaching Mordor to cast away such evil and complete my journey. And the closer I’ve drawn to God over the past four years, the more vicious the assaults on my heart have become. Life is hard – and the “god of this world” wouldn’t have it any other way: all of the pleasure is the other side of the coin to so much pain. Paul tells us “…as we received mercy, we do not lose heart, but we have renounced the things hidden because of shame, not walking in craftiness or adulterating the word of God, but by the manifestation of truth…” (4:1-2 NASB). The mercies of God are eternal – and the heart is not to be lost.

I’ve been on a sojourn for my heart of late. In his book Wild at Heart (2001, Thomas Nelson, Inc.), John Eldredge symbolizes such travels in comparison to Christ’s wilderness trial, “a test of his identity…If a man is ever to find out who he is and what he’s here for, he has got to take that journey for himself. He has got to get his heart back.” (p. 6) I lost my heart in the maze of “things hidden because of shame,” and there is no amount of walking in craftiness or cheating God’s call that will lead me to the truth. In the wilderness, Satan tried to defeat Jesus through his weaknesses. Christ’s only hope was to remind the Accuser of God’s power.

“And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, in whose case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” (2 Cor 4:3-4 NASB)

To be perishing and blind is, in the eyes of Paul, to be dying and in darkness. I think again of poor Frodo, on the steppes of Mount Doom where he can’t even remember with Samwise Gamgee’s help the greens of the Shire or the taste of strawberries and cream, feeling only “naked and alone in the dark.” Paul, as Saul, knew something about blindness and unbelieving – until he experienced, firsthand, the transforming power of the gospel of Christ. I believe we all have been on the road to Damascus, destined for a street called Straight.

Therefore, the invitation is to welcome the affliction, perplexity, persecution, and strike downs of self. One of the most courageous paths a man can seek and choose, in my humble judgment, is to die to self and live for God. Paul exhorts us: “But having the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, ‘I BELIEVED, THEREFORE I SPOKE,’ we also believe, therefore we also speak, knowing that He who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and will present us with you.” (2 Cor 4:13-14 NASB)

My brothers, do not lose heart! The battle for faith is real – to which side does your allegiance belong? Life is hard, even for the faithful in Christ. Would you choose temporal pleasures over eternal life? In his final words at the end of Chapter 4, Paul clearly lays out a path: “Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (2 Cor 4:16-18 NASB)

Salvation is of God, not of me. There is nothing I can do or say or think to merit what was done by Jesus on the Cross – for me, for you, for mankind. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” (John 3:16 NASB) A choice is to be made: temporal or eternal? Choose wisely – but choose. The most important truth is the easiest to forget: Jesus Christ died so that sinners would be reconciled to God and forgiven by God. My prayers for those reading this who do not have a reconciled relationship with God would be that your next steps lead you onto the path of eternal strength and away from temporal weakness.

More on JOHN PIPER is available at: http://www.desiringgod.org/
More on JOHN ELDREDGE is available at: http://www.ransomedheart.com/

The ManKind Project of KY presents The New Warrior Training Adventure

The ManKind Project™ of KY (http://www.mkpky.org/) will be hosting The New Warrior Training Adventure™ (NWTA) on October 23-25, 2009 in Bedford, IN. Please enjoy the short promo video above (just click on the Play button).

For more information on MKP KY and men's work events you can attend (free of charge) locally prior to the NWTA, please contact Johnny Fontaine at (502) 712-1972 or at fontaine4christ@gmail.com for details.

Note: The above information is being forwarded as a service to the readers of this blog, His Grace Amazing™. The ManKind Project of KY™ or The ManKind Project™ is not formally affiliated with His Grace Amazing™ or any religion.

The ManKind Project of KY

Come join The ManKind Project® of KY for an Intro to Men's Work gathering the first Thursday of each month from 7:00 to 8:30pm.

Join us in exploring the realm of what it means to be a man. This free monthly event includes an exploration of the King, Lover, Magician, and Warrior archetype energies in all men and introduces the New Warrior Training Adventure®, a weekend retreat for men.

You are welcome to join us at 1728 Mellwood Avenue in Louisville, KY. For more information on MKP KY, please visit us on the Web at:

http://www.mkpky.org/

His Love, My Heart

His love for me is pure, more forgiving than I've ever been towards anyone who has wounded me.

There are many ways, and many days, I fall short of the man He wants me to be...when I buy into the lie that I'm unable to love someone just because they don't love me.

His love is revolutionary. It knocks on the door of my heart when:

• I think my pastor is an asshat.
• when I choose porn over the Bible.
• stuffing my belly is more important than prayer.
• it's all about me and never about Him.
• the seasons of selfishness never change.
• I judge and judge those judging me.

When I look into the mirror, what I really don't want to see is my reflection in the cross. I don't want to see how much He loves me, how deeply He's ransomed my heart with His life, how He has replaced a heart of stone with a good heart.

He bore stripes for me. And when my heart cares about someone or something else, I can see a shadow of His deeper wounds on my flesh. And He knocks on the door of my heart, the heart He has redeemed. 'Is there room at the inn for me?'

There are many days, and many ways, I don't want to look at Him or look for Him. I'd rather say something cool on Facebook or wonder when the next e-mail will arrive. I'd much prefer resentment over forgiveness. I'll hide in the middle of life and throw stones when I think no one is looking. And I'll be afraid -- scared of being the man He created me to be.

Far too few are the days when I intentionally go out to walk with Him. I wake up whenever it pleases me. I can ignore suffering and call it surviving. Man, I'd rather be me than you. Sometimes I'm ashamed to be a man when I look at the men I know. Most of the time, because I'm afraid to look at Him, I'll look at the men I know and tell myself they are so much better than me. Or I'll hate them. Or I'll ignore them. He still takes time to knock on the door of my heart...

I don't tell enough people I love Him. I assume my singleness is seen as loneliness. He is the best friend I've ever had. His love for me is embarrassing in its depth, its intimacy, its strength, its endurance. There are many ways, and many days, I've heard His knocking on the door of my heart and turned away, pretended not to hear, turned up the music of my life and waited for Him to go away.

If I'm right, He loved me enough to die for me. If I'm wrong, He loved me enough to die for me. That will always make Him a better man than me. Sometimes I want to open the door and invite Him in, hoping He would stay, stay and not go, stay forever.

Because He loves me, He is knocking.

Who's On Your List?

This list is nearly 28 years old, and will mean absolutely nothing to you. But what memories it holds:

"Returning to NYC, the first day, Mark, P.J., kamakazi, Dom, Linda, Paige's party, Animal House, Sue, Danny, Tuborg™, Asteroids™, Teddy, WMVL Radio 630 AM, Pao, Hanz, Scott, Brian Kenny, going to The Apple, Julian, getting closer with Fox Chase, Karen Tracy, the Halloween Party, Dave Seaman, Mark Seaman, Rosie, Gonzo, Pablo, the Snow, Langley, Greyhound™, John Lennon, Katie, Kay Nickens, Fernando, the Low Life Party, Tracy, meeting Mark Chibbaro, Jerry, the Valentine's dance, Vitamin F, Fort Lee, Miriam, the Laundry Room, cruising in The Lincoln, Gla, Theresa, Coop, One Eye, Billy Franz, Mikey, the TR-7, Mt. St. Mary's, the Pre-Med Office, the ABSCAM phone, Betty Buckley, Cara, surfing, Chibbaro's party, the Formal, the Toga Party, numerous acts of drunken depravity...and knowing that whatever I did, I would have to enjoy it, for life isn't for playing it safe." (From Journal Three - Redemption: August 13, 1981, pp. 87-88).

As I continue to harvest my 29 year discipline of journal keeping (author John Eldredge says that "Journals chronicle journeys"), I was amazed that God gave me such a memory gift this evening. So, why share it with you?

Who's on your list?

Memory, I believe, is a powerful force that God can, and will, use to teach those who follow Him important lessons. Funny, when I read Scripture I see countless examples of people of God with "short memories." I can relate! How many times has God shown me something about myself -- only for me to forget the memory of what He revealed and find myself dealing with the same emotion or circumstance or consequence once again? Frustrating, yes...but that doesn't make me hopeless. Actually, finding this "list" tonight in an old journal made me beam with hope -- the hope that God is actually as present today as He was in my yesterday and will be in my tomorrow.

O God, the memories my list evokes:

Returning home, starting a new life, new beginnings, a freshman in college, a best friend, a crush on a sophomore beauty, a potent drink, a dorm RA who offered me beer and pot, learning how to flirt, making friends that would last years, being a DJ on the radio, rugby, a friend who has since died, stolen kisses, real East Coast snow, philosophy, traveling by bus, the death of John Lennon, roommates, cousins, falling in love with a girl and her sports car, the campus bar, cruising with a good friend, all the booze and dope a young man could consume, forming a fraternity on a campus that didn't have any, rebellion, love, and making classes in between it all.

Sin? Oh, for sure. Fun? Oh, fuggedaboutit...

For me, it reminds me what a knucklehead I was in my youth -- and still am. It shows me how forgiving God has been to me, and how that models the forgiveness I should bestow to others in my life. It also shows me how far I've come, and how, in a way, I've lost an aliveness in my heart that, apart from sin, has been crushed to death by the "should" and "ought to" that life piles onto The List -- you know, the one that I'm supposed to live by, even as a Christian.

I know not all of you journal (or, for the feminine, keep diaries). But in the still of tonight, give yourself -- and your heart -- permission to pull up a list that you've thought was long forgotten. As I was reading the one I started this entry with, the memories were still fresh, vibrant, and alive...28 years later!! The people were there, the moments frozen in the times of my heart, not aging, not good nor bad nor ugly...just what they were...life. My life, the life that God has redeemed, and the heart that He has ransomed.

Yes, it's true...I've been a bad, bad boy. And, in some ways, a terrible man. But God has a plan and a purpose for all of us, even me. And I believe He led me to that list this very night for part of that plan and a part of that purpose. Yes, Lord, I remember. Yes, God, I can laugh. And, yes, Father, I want more of what it brought up in my heart...a desire to be a man alive!!

Like Father, Like Son?

In less than a month, I'll turn 47. Now, no big deal...I've had touches of gray hair showing up for years, and a recent geographical survey has shown a bit of a belly. All this is true, and Brad Pitt I'm not. Though as I continue to journey with a Band of Brothers through Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (2001: Thomas Nelson, Inc.), I find a point early on in the book that my masculine journey affirms:

"A man has to know where he comes from, and what he's made of."

And, so, this has been leading me towards memories of my father, Michael. My father died in 1996, at the age of 75. As I spend time with God as He now initiates me into manhood (yes, initiation is not just for the young men of the tribe), I find myself asking, "Am I my father's son?"

I've had many jobs over the course of my lifetime. I'm not a careerist. My father worked hard in two different professions: for over a quarter century he was a bus driver in New York City, and for over a decade he worked for the United States Postal Service. I will never work as hard as my father did. But my father never invited me - or showed me, really - how to live from a deep, masculine heart.

For many, many years I was haunted by this statement: I don't want to be my father. Now, in the wake of being adopted into a relationship with God, I have to ask myself, "Aren't some of the ways I treat people just the same as he did?"

I've begun to look back at who my father was emotionally. He always seemed distant, vacant, a bit empty. But when he did appear emotionally, it always seemed skewed towards anger. As a child, I was scared of his temper: it was loud, threatening, and intimidating. In retrospect, I could also see how he handled troubles and adversity: he would grow silent.

I'm not sure what battles my father wanted to fight, or what adventures he wanted to live out, or how he felt about his beauty, his wife. I can recall him sharing stories about his youth, or being in the War, or about getting married, but they were vague, as if he didn't want to fill in the blanks or just didn't have much to say about them.

If I were to choose 10 words to describe him as a man, they would be: Angry, Quiet, Detached, Jealous, Provider, Unforgiving, Distant, Unloving, Mean, Absent. Not exactly a kind portrait painted in hindsight, but I can also ask, "If these descriptions are true, which can I use to describe me?"

At various points in my own life, I saw the legacy I inherited: the ability to detach, the times of being emotionally paralyzed, and a capacity towards anger. Like father, like son?

God, in His infinite wisdom, grace, mercy, and love, continues to show me how His fathering and the fathering of Michael all play into the same endgame. What I wanted I couldn't have. What I couldn't imagine wanting is now mine. Such a paradox, but also such a powerful reminder that I am my father's son...and that I am my Father's son.

Johnny Fontaine: A to Z

As I woke up from my second nap of the day, I began to consider the twilight and my heart. Who am I, Lord?

I have to admit: This is an incomplete list.

But, taking stock, it's me…A to Z!

A: Authentic. Good, bad, or ugly…what you see is what you get.

B: Bold. Hey, wait a minute…Bold! That's better.
C: Courageous. I'm beginning to understand why I feel fear so much in my life – it's because of how much courage is at stake.
D: Dedicated. There's a part of me that won't quit. Maybe it's my heart. Maybe it's all of me.
E: Emotional. I love joy, anger, sadness, fear, and shame. If you can't show any/all of them, I can't trust you.
F: Fierce. That's why I love tigers. Who's gonna f*#k with a tiger?
G: God-loving. More and more, and not perfectly.
H: Honorable. The more I live, the more I understand how important this part of me really is.
I: Integrity. Much the same, the more I live, the more I see how vital it is to be as close to this in all things as possible.
J: Journal-keeper. For 29 years, I've been disciplined enough to keep track of who I am. And I'm not afraid if you read it all.
K: Kind. Underneath the New York City veneer that won't wash off and the Lone Ranger mask, I'm a softy. Don't tell anyone.
L: Loyal. If I'm on your side, I'm not going anywhere.
M: Masculine. I am a man made in the image of God. I let the weight of that be what it is. Deal with it.
N: Naked. This is how I feel sometimes, like Frodo at the end of the line – naked and in the dark.
O: Obstinate. Sometimes my head is harder than concrete, but sometimes it serves me – and the purpose – really well.
P: Passionate.
There is definitely a fire in the belly.
Q: Qualified. I spend as much time running from this word as any of the others.
R: Romantic. I love a good love story, whether I'm in it or not.
S: Strong. There is a sense of surviving.
T: Tactical. I can read the room with the best of them. I know the way in – and the way out.
U: Unwavering. I believe in what I believe in – not what you believe in. They may be the same thing.
V: Victorious. In Christ and His redemption – when all else fails, that is the truth.
W: Warrior. Head, heart, and balls.
X: XXX. There are times I'm raw, uncensored, and crude – sometimes at the most unexpected moments.
Y: Yearning. There is a place in my heart that always is alive to seek more.
Z: Zealous. OK, I had to look up "Z" in the Thesaurus just to make sure I had something—and I do!

Some of this may help you understand me -- some of it won't. Maybe they're just words or labels -- and sewn together, maybe they make up a coat of many fantastic, true colors!