Wild At Heart (PART 5: The Battle)

*WARNING: This blog entry contains adult themes, messy spirituality, and psychological nudity! Reader discretion is advised - please enter with discernment!!*

Do you remember The Question?

Do I have what it takes? Am I powerful?

As a man, you may not like what I'm about to say:

--"You cannot turn a cheek you do not have..."

--Many of your "best choices" to let someone else decide how you should live have slowly removed "one vertebra at a time, until in the end you have no spine at all..."

--"...our culture" is determined "that the aggressive nature of boys is inherently bad, and we have to make them into something more like girls."

--The answer to The Question isn't in the size of your wallet...or your penis.

--"...the church may have a masculine exterior, but its soul has turned feminine."

--All the pornography, addiction, greed, or ignorance in the world isn't going to let you off the hook in answering The Question or help you in healing The Wound.

This isn't supposed to be nice, or make you -- as a man -- feel good. Let me ask you to consider the wound...your wound. Is it nice? Does it feel good?

In Chapter Five of Wild At Heart (2001: Thomas Nelson, Inc.), author John Eldredge (http://www.ransomedheart.com/) tells us a very evident, but often denied, truth: "But for many, many men their souls still hang in the balance because no one, no one has ever invited them to be dangerous, to know their own strength, to discover that they have what it takes." (p. 79)

Don't want the wound? Too bad -- and get used to it. According to Eldredge, "...a man is not wounded once, but many, many times in the course of his life." (p. 79) As a man, each time I'm wounded I choose to take a hit -- an arrow -- directly in the place of my strength, my heart.

And, to be honest, as a man -- and as a Christian -- I'm tired of taking arrows, I'm tired of the Enemy's attempts to take me out each day...and I'm tired of being a man who fails, at times, to claim the power and the image of the One who created me to be a much stronger man.

Who's firing the arrows? Who's got me in the cross hairs? I'd like to change the story...

Finishing Him Off

As a man, I have a wild side -- dangerous, sharp, adventurous, and masculine. Society wants me to either emasculate myself and play nice or else allow the endless parade of people, places, or things associated with the world, the flesh, or Satan force me into a kaleidoscope of poor imitations of what a man can -- or should -- be.

"Our culture," Eldredge asserts, "has turned against the masculine essence, aiming to cut it off early." (Wild At Heart, p. 80)

Would I be any less of a man if my genitals were cut off? Of course, a large measure of society would say, "Yes -- you are now less of a man."

Has the church lost its manhood? Have men, in general, lost it to the ravages of emasculation? Single or married -- it doesn't matter.

"Women are often attracted to the wilder side of a man," Eldredge notes, "but once having caught him they settle down to the task of domesticating him. Ironically, if he gives in he'll resent her for it, and she in turn will wonder where the passion has gone." (Wild At Heart, p. 82)

Where has my passion gone? Where -- as a man -- has yours gone? Who put me in a cage? Why is a lion -- or God -- put in one?

Danger...

No, no, no -- don't' be dangerous. That's the message -- that's the bottom line. The church, perhaps, would be pleased to have all men be Sunday School Jesus, the Lamb instead of the Lion.

And, in turn, what has happened to that dirty word...initiation?

Robert Bly (Iron John) says, "We know that our society produces a plentiful supply of boys, but seems to produce fewer and fewer men."

Have a clue?

"There are two simple reasons: We don't know how to initiate boys into men, and second, we're not sure we really want to. We want to socialize them, to be sure, but away from all that is fierce, and wild, and passionate. In other words, away from masculinity and toward something more feminine." (Wild At Heart, p. 83)

As a man, my heart is crying out for heroes of masculinity. Women can be heroic -- but we've forgotten along the way that "it was a Man who let Himself be nailed to Calvary's cross...It's simply to remind us that God made men the way they are because we desperately need them to be the way they are. Yes, a man is a dangerous things. So is a scalpel. It can wound or it can save your life. You don't make it safe by making it dull; you put it in the hands of someone who knows what he's doing." (Wild At Heart, p. 83)

Here's a question: Are you a stallion or a gelding?

What's Really Going On Here, Anyway?

My father was in one of the waves that landed on the shores of Omaha Beach on June 6, 1944. As a boy, I once asked him what it was like. He became very quiet and would not talk about it. It wasn't until I was a man, and saw the first thirty minutes of Steven Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan that I understood why.

My father had been to war -- but he never prepared, or initiated, me for the battles that lay ahead.

There is still a war going on -- and the hearts of men are being taken out, left and right. Have a look around you -- what do you observe?" Eldredge asks. "What do you see in the lives of the men that you work with, live by, go to church alongside? Are they full of passionate freedom? Do they fight well?" (Wild At Heart, pp. 84-85)

Men at war take wounds. Sometimes I think the wounds from my father or those delivered by life are nothing compared to those I've inflicted on myself. For years I've been bleeding -- the abuse of drugs, pornography, and the minefields of pride have left me alive but badly wounded.

They are trying," Eldredge says of such wounded men, "to crawl forward, but are having an awful time getting their lives together; they seem to keep taking hits. You know others who are already captives, languishing in prisons of despair, addiction, idleness, or boredom. The place looks like a battlefield," he says of our lives, "the Omaha Beach of the soul." (Wild At Heart, p. 85)

This is war. And there is insanity that will keep me -- or us -- as a man from being honest.

Sometimes I get tired of it all -- the waste of time, the softness of men, the battlefronts and casualties. Sometimes I don't care about anyone or anything but myself, the narcotics of arrogance and pride running slowly through my veins. And there are times when I forget about Adam standing by and not fighting for Eve against the Serpent of Old.

And I tell you this: just because you want to deny that there is a ware, that there is an Enemy, doesn't make the realities of both disappear.

"We were born into a world at war," Eldredge declares. "This scene we're living in is no sitcom; it's bloody battle. Haven't you noticed with what deadly accuracy the wound was given? Those blows you've taken -- they were not random accidents at all. They hit dead center." (Wild At Heart, p. 86)

We were born into...war.

"And there was war in Heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in Heaven. The great dragon was hurled down -- that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him." (Revelation 12:7-9 NIV)

The Enemy is here, assaulting our hearts as men. Why?

"Do you know why there's been such an assault?" Eldredge asks us. "The Enemy fears you. You are dangerous big-time. If you ever really got your heart back, lived from it with courage, you would be a huge problem to him. You would do a lot of damage...on the side of good. Remember how valiant and effective God has been in the history of the world? You are a stem of that victorious stalk." (Wild At Heart, p. 87)

But as men at war -- against the Enemy and in the battle for our hearts -- we must be initiated into our authentic and powerful masculinity...and be trained and armored for the onslaught ahead.

And we -- as men -- must choose to go to war and be willing to engage the Enemy with all the weapons of manhood.

"Most men," Eldredge concludes, "have never been initiated into manhood. They have never had anyone show them how to do it, and especially, how to fight for their heart." (Wild At Heart, p. 87)

Your heart, men, may be in captivity behind Enemy lines. To get it back, you will have to heal the wound, and in doing so, ask yourself this question:

"What's at risk?"

Our Search For An Answer

What's at risk for me to be initiated into manhood?

What's at risk for me to hear the words my father never told me?

What's at risk for me to know who I am and that I have what it takes?

Eldredge isn't shy in answering these kind of questions for me -- or for us, as men.

"In order to help you find the answer to The Question, let me ask you another: What have you done with your question? Where have you taken it? You see, a man's core question does not go away. He may try for years to shove it out of his awareness, and just 'get on with life.' But it does not go away. It is a hunger so essential to our souls that it will compel us to find a resolution. In truth, it drives everything we do." (Wild At Heart, p. 88)

On the journey to recapture my heart, I will have to understand the concept of validation -- and how it can skew the compass so vital to my search to mislead me in any number of directions. And, for me as a man (and as a Christian), the more I refuse to listen to God's voice, the further I end up off course.

"Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding...I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble...My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:1, 11-12, 20-23 NIV)

With initiation, a young man listens to the voice of his father and other mature men. And in our society and culture, so many young boys have become men without initiation, without validation, and listening to the cacophony of voices that make no sense...or give a man any significance of sense of belonging.

"Where does a man go for a sense of validation?" Eldredge asks us. "To what he owns? To who pays attention to him? How attractive his wife is? Where he gets to eat out? How well he plays sports?" (Wild At Heart, p. 90)

To that list I could add: "To how much is in his wallet? By the quality of his toys? How big is his house? The number of cars he owns? Where he vacations? To the size of his manhood? To the amount of his tithe?"

The snipers keep shooting, and men are taken out. Some, most -- if not all of us, as men -- crawl, with our wounds, to one universal place.

"But the deadliest place a man ever takes his search, the place every man seems to wind up no matter what trail he's followed, is the woman." (Wild At Heart, p. 90)

Taking It To Eve

When a man takes his question to the woman," Eldredge suggests, "what happens is either addiction or emasculation. Usually both." (Wild At Heart, p. 93)

Here, once again, I testify from truth and experience...Eldredge is dead-on accurate.

With an absent father in my early teens, I was wounded next by my mother -- caught with pornography, shamed into a corner of my soul for the sins of my father, and left for impending disaster in seeking an answer to The Question from a source who couldn't (or wouldn't) --or shouldn't -- provide it.

The truth is, whether in porn or in trying to find the answer from Mom or thinking that sex equals love, I longed to "be the hero to the beauty -- that has been my longing, my image of what it means to really, finally be a man. Bly calls it the search for the Golden-haired Woman." (Wild At Heart, pp. 90-91)

I became addicted to pornography at a young age -- long before I was seeking the answer in drugs. According to Eldredge, it's no wonder.

"But the deeper reason is because that seductive beauty reaches down inside and touches your desperate hunger for validation as a man you didn't even know you had, touches it like nothing else most men have ever experienced." (Wild At Heart, p. 91)

Men know this: sex sells, sex is seductive, and sex is not the answer. I have never found the Golden-haired Woman (or a beauty worthy of my hero) in the abysmal black hole of pornography. And, no matter how loving she was, as a man I could never be initiated by my mother. "Femininity," Eldredge reminds us, "can never bestow masculinity." (p. 93)

So for years I sought my power -- and the answer -- through my erection. Eldredge agrees. "If a man can feel an erection, well then, he feels powerful. He feels strong. I'm telling you, for many men, The Question feels hardwired to his penis. If he can feel like the hero sexually, well, then mister, he's the hero. Pornography is so seductive because what is a wounded, famished man to think when there are literally hundreds of beauties willing to give themselves to him?" (Wild At Heart, pp. 91-92)

But, as I said, the answer isn't there. It's not there. As the poet William Blake said, "The naked woman's body is a portion of eternity too great for the eye of man." But, as captivating, mysterious, powerful, and deeply emotional as the creation of woman by God is, asking one the answer to The Question -- or expecting authentic masculine initiation from oen -- is simply an illusion.

And Eldredge sums it up perfectly:

"Because we cannot hear the real answer until we see we've got a false one. So long as we chase the illusion, how can we face reality? The hunger is there; it lives in our souls like a famished craving, no matter what we've tried to fill it with. If you take your question to Eve, it will break your heart." (Wild At Heart, p. 95)

There is only one source. And, men, I encourage you to take your question back -- and let our journey continue.

Walk away from all the places you've been seeking it in where it can't be found. Stop chasing after it in an empty sense of self.

As George MacDonald says, "Who can give a man this, his own name?"

Next Week: Wild At Heart (PART 6: The Father's Voice)

Wild At Heart (PART 4: The Wound)

Even decades after it occurred, I can recall with vivid clarity the day my father inflicted the wound upon me.

As a little boy, I was playing soldiers in the apartment we were living in, setting up the green plastic warriors across the floor and furniture of the fifth floor walk-up in the Bronx. I was no more than 6 or 7 years old, my father fast asleep in an easy chair.

At one point in the pretend battle, I launched a "wounded" soldier into the air -- but it flew erratically and hit my father in the face, startling him awake. A look of anger filled his eyes and spread across his face. He called me over to him, but I was afraid -- of him. He said he wasn't going to hit me, and called me over again.

When I trusted him at his word and went over, the hard slap across my face was something I didn't see coming -- I was looking at him with trust in my eyes. As the pain and fear mixed together with the shock of his anger, I took the wound. The hand print on my cheek eventually faded -- the arrow he put into my heart (the heart of a little boy who loved his father enough to trust him at his word) took longer, much longer, to dislodge.

What's your story? What's your wound?

In Chapter Four of Wild at Heart (2001: Thomas Nelson, Inc.), author John Eldredge (http://www.ransomedheart.com/) makes it clear: "Every boy, in his journey to become a man, takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength. Because the wound is rarely discussed and even more rarely healed, every man carries a wound. And the wound is nearly always given by his father." (p. 60)

So, let us continue -- as men -- and have the courage, perhaps, to see the wound, name it, or even go so far as to begin the healing by finally pulling the arrow out.

A Man's Deepest Question

Remember the question?

"Am I really a man? Have I got what it takes...when it counts?"

According to Eldredge, as a boy looks for a man (most likely his father) to bestow masculinity upon him, he will ask -- as children do -- a very important question:

"Do I have what it takes? Am I powerful?"

"Miss that moment," Eldredge says, "and you'll miss a boy's heart forever. It's not a question -- it's the question, the one every boy and man is longing to ask. Until a man knows he's a man he will forever be trying to prove he is one, while at the same time shrink from anything that might reveal he is not. Most men live their lives haunted by the question, or crippled by the answer they've been given." (Wild at Heart, p. 62)

Every son wants to hear the answer from their father...every son. Even Jesus.

"As soon as Jesus was baptized, He went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on Him. And a voice from heaven said, 'This is My Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased." (Matthew 3:16-17 NIV)

Is that the answer you received?

Where Does Masculinity Come From?

As stated before, masculinity is bestowed.

"A boy learns who he is and what he's got from a man," Eldredge notes, "or the company of men. He cannot learn it any other place. He cannot learn it from other boys, and he cannot learn it from the world of women." (Wild at Heart, p. 62)

From experience, I can attest to this truth on several fronts.

As a Christian man, I see clearly in the Word of God how Jesus looked to His Father for guidance and direction -- biblical masculinity I would call this.

The Gospel of John bears the evidence. "Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by Himself; He can do only what He sees His Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows Him all He does." (John 5:19-20 NIV)

John goes on to chronicle other declarations of bestowed bonds of Father and Son biblical masculinity:

*"I and the Father are One." (John 10:30)

*"If you really knew Me, you would know My Father as well." (John 14:7)

*"Believe Me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me..." (John 14:11)

*"...but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what My Father has commanded Me." (John 14:31)

*"If you obey My commands, you will remain in My love, just as I have obeyed My Father's commands and remain in His love." (John 15:10)

*"I came from the Father and entered the world; now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father." (John 16:28)

*"Yet I am not alone, for My Father is with Me." (John 16:32)

From the beginning, it has been the plan that a father would build the foundations in a boy's heart. As men -- with the wound -- we know that the foundation, if not damaged, has been severely compromised.

From Strength To Strength

"Femininity," Eldredge reminds us," can never bestow masculinity." (Wild at Heart, p. 64)

He is right, and men know this. True, all boys are birthed into this world and nurtured by their mothers. But, Eldredge says, "there comes a time for a shift when he begins to seek out his father's affection and attention." (pp. 63-64)

At this point, the mother becomes the moon and the father becomes the sun in a boy's universe. Many women possibly seek a boy's attention or devotion to fill a gap in their world left by their inattentive husbands (this also was the case for me). But, Eldredge notes, "Masculinity is an essence that is hard to articulate but that a boy naturally craves as he craves food and water. It is something passed between men." (p. 66)

And what is passed is blessing.

Robery Bly, the renowned mythopoetic author of Iron John, notes, "The ancient societies believed that a boy becomes a man only through ritual effort -- only through the 'active intervention of the older men.'" From my own experience in my life -- and the missing pieces of blessing from my childhood -- I know that a father or other man or men must intervene...and the mother must let go -- or be let go of.

At the age of 34, I was finally blessed with initiation into masculinity. The ManKind Project™ (http://www.mkp.org/), through the New Warrior Training Adventure™, took the place of what masculine blessing my father failed to bestow on me -- and powerfully intervened in my life to test me and initiate me into authentic and archetypal masculinity.

What I've found in men's work -- with active involvement from 1996 through 2002 in MKP, and a return to men's work this year -- is a community of men who are actively healing the wounds of boyhood...and becoming safer men in the world. And in the work, men -- either father's themselves or single -- take on and develop healthier and stronger attributes of fathering that may have been missing in their own past.

"A boy's passage," Eldredge explains, "into manhood involves many of those moments. The father's role is to arrange for them, invite his boy into them, keep his eye out for the moment the question arises and then speak into his son's heart yes, you are. You have what it takes. And that is why the deepest wound is always given by the father." (Wild at Heart, p. 68-69)

The Father-Wound

"He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed." (1 Peter 2:24 NIV)

The wound is inevitable -- and the wound hurts.

"Some fathers give a wound," Eldredge states, "merely by their silence; they are present, yet absent to their sons. The silence is deafening." (Wild at Heart, p. 71)

I can only imagine how Jesus, the Son, felt at that moment on the Cross when God, the Father, was silent.

"From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice 'Eloi, Eloi, lamasabachthani?' -- which means, 'My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?'" (Matthew 27:45-46 NIV)

Even Christ, the LORD, received a wound from His Father -- and felt the pain of what it was like to be without the Father at a critical moment. But even with what Jesus felt and experienced, Scripture reminds me of what was done for me -- a man, a sinner -- by the sacrifice of a man taking on the wounds.

"Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered Him stricken by God, smitten by Him, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:4-6 NIV)

As human men -- though created in the image of God -- we are subject to the wounds which we receive and, paradoxically, can only be healed by the sacrifice of what Jesus did in taking the wounds -- our wounds, my wounds, all the wounds -- which God the Father, due His position and authority, rightfully could have placed upon us as consequences of sinful hearts.

"The assault wounds are like a shotgun blast to the chest," Eldredge says. "This can get unspeakably evil when it involves physical, sexual, or verbal abuse carried on for years. Without some kind of help, many men never recover. One thing about assault wounds -- they are obvious. The passive wounds are not; they are pernicious, like a cancer. Because they are subtle, they often go unrecognized as wounds and therefore are actually more difficult to heal." (Wild at Heart, p. 70)

And so it has gone, men to men, fathers to sons -- the wounds are given, and the wounds are received.

The Wound's Effect

So, as a man, what can I do with the wound?

I'm not alone -- all men carry a wound. Most know it's there but don't know what to do about it. Some ignore it, acting out of its pain across their entire lives. Others discover the wound, name it, and go forth towards a path of healing.

"So there is no crossing through this country," Eldredge observes of the landscape between being a boy and becoming a man, "without taking a wound. And every wound, whether it's assaultive or passive, delivers a message. The messages feels final and true, absolutely true, because it is delivered with such force. Our reaction to it shapes our personality in very significant ways. From that flows the false self. Most of the men you meet are living out a false self, a pose, which is directly related to his wound." (Wild at Heart, p. 72)

We have a choice as men -- either overcompensate and become driven or violent, or shrink and become passive or retreating in our masculinity. It's because of the wound -- not because of being a man. But Eldredge warns us, "The wound comes, and with it a message. From that place a boy makes a vow, chooses a way of life that gives rise to the false self. At the core of it all is a deep uncertainty. The man doesn't live from a center. So many men feel stuck -- either paralyzed and unable to move, or unable to stop moving." (Wild at Heart, pp. 74-75)

Take a moment as a man and ask yourself: "Do I have what it takes? Am I powerful?"

If you can't -- or won't -- answer these questions, it is time to ask yourself this one:

"Am I ready to go into battle to win the war for my heart?"

The wound will be in your way. But there is a way through...

Next Week: Wild At Heart (PART 5: The Battle)

Wild At Heart (PART 3: The Question)

"Am I really a man? Have I got what it takes...when it counts?" (Eldredge, John. Wild at Heart. 2001: Thomas Nelson, Inc., p. 57)

I'm not ashamed to admit it: this question -- THE question -- haunts me in the corridors of power in the castle of my masculinity.

After the fall of man (Genesis 3:1-24), God said to Adam, "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat of the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return. (Genesis 3:17-19 NIV, italics added)

Obviously, this was the curse put upon man in relation to the damage done by sin -- but it also tells us of the power behind the Creator, the awesome force that could -- and would -- breathe life into dust and emblazon upon it the image of God. Such is the real DNA, the historical resume, of man.

In Chapter Three of Wild at Heart, author John Eldredge (http://www.ransomedheart.com/) challenges us, as men, to confront the caricatures our lives have become. Like a lion in a zoo cage, Eldredge ponders what living in a cage, over time, does to the heart of a man. At times, so do I...

"I've been unemployed for six months, and have been living in a homeless shelter for over one month; I haven't a penny to my name." Am I really a man?

"I'm clean and free from the addictive chains of drugs and pornography, but just like in the Garden, the deceitful lure of temptation will someday be placed in my path." Have I got what it takes?

"There will be moments in life when I will have to step up into the genuine power of my masculinity and speak my truth -- as a man and as a Christian. Will I do it?" ...when it counts?

Eldredge looks squarely into the mirror, and asks us to do the same. Am I -- are you -- really a man, a man who is fierce, passionate, and wild at heart? Let us continue our journey, and examine how easily a man created in the image of God, the Lion of Judah, can, as Dorothy Sayers wrote, become a victim to the world who "very efficiently pared the claws of the Lion of Judah," creating "a fitting household pet for pale curates and pious old ladies." Or, as Eldredge says, "How come when men look in their hearts they don't discover something valiant and dangerous, but instead find anger, lust, and fear?" (Wild at Heart, p. 41)

The Lion of Judah??

Perhaps the place a man's heart misses the mark the most is how and where he engages it. What is the battle between a man's fierceness and his fears?

"Without a great battle," Eldredge notes, "in which a man can live and die, the fierce part of his nature goes underground and sort of simmers there in a sullen anger that seems to have no reason." (p. 42)

Created in the image of God, we forget the power of our Creator -- and His purpose for giving us hearts that were made to engage great battles and epic adventures.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." (Isaiah 43:1-2 NIV)

What has happened to men -- is it more desirable to seek adventures or the thrill of the cubicle? Is it more exhilarating to "pass through the waters...the rivers...walk through the fire..." or lose perspective to fantasy football?

Make no mistake: the messages are clear. "So many guys have been told to put that adventurous spirit behind them and 'be responsible,' meaning live only for duty." (Wild at Heart, p. 43)

And, in the end, a man with only a sense of duty in his heart -- with no adventure -- will more than likely go in search of darker paths to follow. For years I struggled against the forces of drugs and pornography -- due, in part, to the fear of following the path of my deepest desires to create, initiate community, and actively seek a relationship with God.

"If a man does not find those things for which his heart is made, if he is never even invited to live for them from his deep heart, he will look for them in some other ways." (Eldredge, p. 44)

And God knows this: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV)

If we are not careful, if we become men who deny and kill God-created desires of our hearts, we may end up in dark places where all we'll know is that something has gone wrong.

Our Fear

"This is every man's deepest fear: to be exposed, to be found out, to be discovered as an impostor, and not really a man." (Wild at Heart, p. 45)

We, as men, are made by God, in His image, to come through. All throughout Scripture, God -- in all His incarnations -- comes through powerfully AND faithfully. Do I? Do you? Can I? Can you?

Take another step in front of the mirror -- go on, do it. Ask yourself: "How do I see myself as a man?" Choose a word to honestly describe yourself. Was it strong, passionate, or dangerous? If not, what was it? Would you have the courage to ask other men in your life what they think of you as a man? What would you fear they would say?

The point is, Eldredge reveals, "even though the desires are there for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue, even though our boyhood dreams once were filled with those things, we don't think we're up to it. Why don't men play the man? Why don't they offer their strength to a world desperately in need of it? For two simple reasons: We doubt very much that we have any real strength to offer, and we're pretty certain that if we did offer what we have it wouldn't be enough. Something has gone wrong and we know it." (Eldredge, p. 48)

What Is A Man For?

There have been many times lately when I've asked myself (and God), "What am I doing? What is my purpose?"

The desires of the heart are insightful to how we, as men, are designed -- and from that creative source, as men made in the image of God, the design (or archetypes) of how we are put together as men reveal the paths of destiny we choose to follow...or spend our lives running from.

There is great risk -- as a man -- for me to be all in to the adventure a relationship with God brings to me. As a man, I step into a world at war every day, opposing forces wanting to kill my heart's desire. And in the battle to rescue Eve, the first man -- Adam -- fell to the paralysis of fear and did nothing. He was right there as she was tempted, took the fruit she offered and ate -- yet did nothing to risk, fight, or rescue.

"He denied his very nature," Eldredge tells us, "and went passive. And every man after him, every son of Adam, carries in his heart now the same failure. Every man repeats the sin of Adam, every day. We won't risk, we won't fight, and we won't rescue Eve." (p. 51)

What is a man for? I believe that if I can't be authentic, then I'll only end up hiding...from myself, others, and from God.

Posers

In the Garden, after he failed himself (as a man), his wife (as husband and protector), and God (as servant), Adam hid.

"We are hiding, every last one of us. Well aware that we, too, are not what we were meant to be, desperately afraid of exposure, terrified of being seen for what we are and are not, we have run off into the bushes." (Wild at Heart, p. 52)

What, as a man, is your facade? How, as a man, are you faking your way through life? I have many masks, and I can pose my way in -- and out -- of life on a day-to-day mission of sabotaging my authenticity. I can choose to fight only the battles I know I can win, only such adventures my skills are matched to, or only those beauties I can easily rescue.

So, as a man, how do I answer THE question? Am I really a man? As a man, where do I look to find out the reasons why parts of my life don't work? Have I got what it takes...when it counts?

As our journey continues, we shall look at the place we all -- as men -- share in the individual and corporate story of what hurt us. But, in leaving you for now, I bless you with the words of Robertson McQuilkin (President Emeritus of Columbia International University) in a poem entitled, "Let Me Get Home Before Dark."

It’s sundown, Lord.
The shadows of my life stretch back
into the dimness of the years long spent.
I fear not death, for that grim foe betrays himself at last,
thrusting me forever into life:
Life with you, unsoiled and free.
But I do fear.
I fear the Dark Specter may come too soon—
or do I mean, too late?
That I should end before I finish or
finish, but not well.
That I should stain your honor; shame your name,
grieve your loving heart.
Few, they tell me, finish well…
Lord, let me get home before dark.
The darkness of a spirit
grown mean and small, fruit shriveled on the vine,
bitter to the taste of my companions,
burden to be borne by those brave few who love me still.
No, Lord. Let the fruit grow lush and sweet,
a joy to all who taste;
Spirit—sign of God at work,
stronger, fuller, brighter at the end.
Lord, let me get home before dark.
The darkness of tattered gifts,
rust-locked, half-spent or ill-spent,
A life that once was used of God
now set aside.
Grief for glories gone or
Fretting for a task God never gave.
Mourning in the hollow chambers of memory,
Gazing on the faded banners of victories long gone.
Cannot I run well unto the end?
Lord, let me get home before dark.
The outer me decays—
I do not fret or ask reprieve.
The ebbing strength but weans me from mother earth
and grows me up for heaven.
I do not cling to shadows cast by immortality.
I do not patch the scaffold lent to build the real, eternal me.
I do not clutch about me my cocoon,
vainly struggling to hold hostage
a free spirit pressing to be born.
But will I reach the gate
in lingering pain, body distorted, grotesque?
Or will it be a mind
wandering un-tethered among light
fantasies or grim terrors?
Of your grace, Father, I humbly ask…
Let me get home before dark.

Next Week: Wild At Heart (PART 4: The Wound)

Wild at Heart (PART 2: In Whose Image?)

"If a boy is to become a man, if a man is to know he is one, this is not an option. A man has to know where he comes from, and what he's made of." (Wild at Heart, p. 21)

I came from a family of six children, my place the last in line -- the baby of the family. I came from a father who was emotionally absent yet prone to anger. I came from a mother who was emotionally smothering yet prone to high anxiety. I was made of nightmares and daydreams, success and failure, loneliness and fantasy, intimacy and pornography, faith and drugs, anger and kindness, isolation and courage. I'm still a boy, growing up to be a man -- and I am a man, dying a slow death to the ways of a child.

God knows all this -- and He still loves me. And yet there are many times I look at myself and wonder how I can possibly be made in His image. All I see is the boy or the man -- who I was or who I haven't been. In whose image?

In Chapter Two of Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (2001: Thomas Nelson, Inc.), the great paradox of masculinity is approached, wherein a man knows that he doesn't want to become his father yet then struggles in a search for strength and beauty in the image of God.

Where Do We Come From?

Men are the image-bearers of God...but who is the One whose image every man bears? What is the masculinity of Jesus?

"The Lord is a gentleman?" Eldredge asks. "Not if you're in the service of His enemy. God has a battle to fight, and the battle is for our freedom." (p. 25)

The God of the Bible holds all the archetypes, if you will, that are recognized to be hard-wired into every man: the compassionate and caring individual (a Lover), a strong and powerful force (a Warrior), the focused and responsible leader (a King), and a wise and discerning counselor (a Sage).

In Matthew's Gospel account, we can learn the parts of the truth in whose image we are cast. Jesus told the Pharisees (his enemies), "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' (Deuteronomy 6:5 NIV) This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Leviticus 19:18 NIV)(Matthew 22:37-39 NIV)

As a man, I have been cast in the image of a loving God -- if I have any doubt, I can ask myself one question: "Would I sacrifice my own son in order to reconcile the loss of those I love?" John, in his Gospel, tells us where God's heart is: "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16 NIV)

There is little doubt -- we, as men created in the image of God -- are embodied with the capacity to love. As an image-bearer of God, it is our highest calling.

A Battle to Fight

Let us turn our sights upon the image of God as a warrior. Even a cursory reading of the Old Testament reveals God's activity in warfare. The New Testament isn't leaving out His fierce presence, either.

John tells us, in Revelation, "I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice He judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on His head are many crowns. He has a Name written on Him that no one knows but He Himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and His Name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following Him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine line, white and clean. Out of His mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations." (Revelation 19:11-15 NIV)

This isn't a nice boy Jesus.

And what of the might Samson, a wild man of Scripture? "The woman gave birth to a boy and named him Samson. He grew and the LORD blessed him, and the Spirit of the LORD began to stir him..." (Judges 13:24-25 NIV) Yet this isn't the Samson we know much about, is it?

As Samson grew, he wanted to marry a young Philistine woman. As he traveled with his parents to claim her as his bride "suddenly a young lion came roaring toward him. The Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power so that he tore the lion apart with his bare hands..." (Judges 14:5-6 NIV)

Through examples such as this, one can see that the Spirit of the LORD was present in Samson -- and, of course, in Christ. It is the fierceness in the heart of God that we bear as part of His image -- a fierceness that many men have either forgotten they own or, for whatever reason, are afraid to engage. But it's there.

What About Adventure?

"What's at risk?"

It could be one of the most challenging questions a man could ask of himself or be asked to answer. Did God ever take a risk? And does He love adventure?

According to Eldredge, "God is a person who takes immense risks. No doubt the biggest risk of all was when He gave angels and men free will -- including the freedom to reject Him -- not just once but every single day." (Wild at Heart, p. 30)

Put simply, God did not have to create us -- He chose to. He simply could have made Adam (and Eve) obey His spoken commands -- instead, as Eldredge notes, "He took a risk. A staggering risk, with staggering consequences. He let others into His story, and He let their choices shape it profoundly." (p. 31)

As a man -- and as a Christian -- I forget from time to time that its' not my story...it's His! And every single time I forget, when I got to that place as a man where I'm convinced it's all about me, God shows up -- comes through -- and demonstrates the truth that He has what it takes.

Also, as my peer relationships develop with men -- and as I examine how God chooses to use me in the necessary unveiling of His story -- I am both fascinated and humbled to be chosen as one of His ambassadors. As a man who follows God (and lives out His image), I am able to see past who I was and look towards whose image I was created to reflect.

"Therefore," the apostle Paul tells us, "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciled to the world Himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were make His appeal through us." (2 Corinthians 5:17-20 NIV)

Can you glimpse the wildness in God's heart, His sense and love for adventure? What a great sacrifice -- and risk -- not to count men's sins against them -- and for us, as men, to be given such a duty as ambassadors for the Gospel.

"God needs to get a message out to the human race, without which they will perish...forever. What's the plan? First, He starts with the most unlikely group ever: a couple of prostitutes, a few fishermen with no better than a second-grade education, a tax collector. Then, He passes the ball to us. Unbelievable." (Wild at Heart, p. 32)

And, in the end, after risk upon risk, God literally bleeds for us in His heart -- reminding us (reminding me) that we, as men, are capable of sacrificing so much more than we do in order to live out the God-sized adventures calling from our hearts.

Like Children

A.W. Tozer says, "God waits to be wanted." And isn't it like children -- little boys or little girls -- to want to have love bestowed upon them, to be a priority to someone?

As the masculine (and feminine) run deep and wide across God's creation, one can easily see that the image of God is fierce, wild, and passionate. "And this is our true Father," Eldredge writes, "the stock from which the heart of man is drawn. Strong, courageous love." (p. 35)

There is both a strength AND a beauty to man. Remember...God's creation, His image, captures both. Man is captivated by the beauty unveiled in woman because God created Eve to be the crown to the splendor and strength of man. "Adam bears the likeness of God in his fierce, wild, and passionate heart. And yet, there is one more finishing touch. There is Eve." (Wild at Heart, p. 37)

In strength. In captivating beauty. At what point, as men, do we miss the mark -- and the point -- that God wants to be worshiped? As men created in His image, let us continue to examine our role in the search for authentic masculinity with both strength and beauty. As King David said in Psalm 62, "One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that You, O God, are strong, and that You, O Lord, are loving." (Psalm 62:11-12 NIV)

Next Week: Wild at Heart (PART 3: The Question)

Wild at Heart (PART 1: Made Just Like That)

I'm tired and bored with men who are tired and bored.

I believe that one of the main reasons men fail to step up into healthy and genuine masculinity is that they choose to be ignorant of what's true to their hearts.

I am looking for my heart. Are you?

For the next twelve weeks , I invite you as a man -- Christian or not -- on a journey with me in search of the masculine heart. My inspiration for this particular path of my sojourn is based on the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (2001: Thomas Nelson, Inc.)

Read this book. Buy it and read it. Borrow it and read it. Check it out from the library and read it. Eldredge, the founder of Ransomed Heart Ministries (http://www.ransomedheart.com/) and author of many books concerning a man's journey to find himself as made in the image of God, pulls absolutely no punches. As men, he challenges us, we need permission to be the men who were made in God's image, living from the heart He created, not from the lists of should or ought to that the world constantly hammers us into shape with.

Men (and I'm not shy or afraid to claim "I am a man -- made just like that!") are hard wired for adventure -- not cubicles, cappuccino, or cable TV. The authentic masculine is built and designed by God for all the danger, wildness, and spiritual longing deeply embedded into our souls.

Doesn't sound like the Sunday school Jesus? I'm talking about the Jesus, led by the Spirit, out into the wilderness. (Matthew 4:1-11 NIV) And out there, I can only imagine some of the questions, as a man, He might have been asking:

"Who am I?"

"What am I made of?"

"What am I destined for?"

And Eldredge is also asking the hard questions about men in the church. "What is a Christian man? Don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian man is...bored. (Wild at Heart, p. 7)

In my judgment, there have been far too few invitations for me to know and live from the deepest parts of my heart. I am not alone, but I also cannot ignore the invitation God offers through His creation of the masculine heart. He created me, and He created Men. "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." (Genesis 1:27 NASB)

The foundation of what Eldredge invites us, as men, to look at is what creates the true desires of our hearts and what makes us, as men, come alive. He proposes the major yearnings have been misplaced, forgotten, or misdirected -- but they are still there, hard wired into us:

In the heart of every man is the desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.

A Battle to Fight

"If we believe that man is made in the image of God," Eldredge challenges us, "then we would do well to remember that 'the LORD is a warrior; the LORD is His name.'" (Exodus 15:3 NASB)(Wild at Heart, p. 10)

There is a power in healthy and genuine masculinity, and many of us, as men, have lost that power. Life needs fierce men, for the world heaps wound upon wound on us. The call to battle, for some men, is something they run from instead of run to. The desire still lives in us to answer the call to battle, wherever the fight may be.

Eldredge reminds us that every man needs to know his power -- and discover the fierceness in his God-created heart.

An Adventure to Live

If you want to see an example of men at different stages of acceptance and levels of struggle with their hearts, watch the movie Legends of the Fall, starring Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins, and Aidan Quinn. In this riveting tale of fathers, sons, brothers, and men, we can find a display (in Pitt's portrayal of the middle son, Tristan) of what a man can be when he is wild at heart. Adventure, Eldredge tells us, is written into the heart of a man...and it requires something -- a testing of who we are as men.

"Do I have what it takes?"

During the years I've been associated with men's work (through The ManKind Project™ -- http://www.mkpky.org/), this question always brings me to a place in front of life's mirror -- a place that invites me to look past the flesh and into the heart. It takes me to the doorway of desire.

"If a man has lost this desire," Eldredge notes, "says he doesn't want it, that's only because he doesn't know he has what it takes, believes that he will fail the test. And so he decides it's better not to try." (Wild at Heart, p. 14)

And so I ask: What adventure are you not living only because you don't know you have what it takes?

A Beauty to Rescue

A beautiful woman is inspiring to a strong man. Adam and Eve. Romeo and Juliet. Arthur and Guinevere. Aragorn and Arwen.

"A man," Eldredge says, "wants to be a hero to the beauty." (p. 15) It's not just the battle to fight -- a man needs someone to fight for, and the romance of the woman he loves to inspire him.

The passion in our hearts, as men, also comes from our God-created inspiration and model to love. God knew that it wasn't good for man to be alone, so He created woman -- perhaps the pinnacle of His creation, replete with beauty and mystery. Eldredge notes that a woman's heart yearns to be fought for, desires to share in our adventures as men, and holds a beauty she longs to unveil.

We, as men, in power and strength, have what it takes to engage the heart of such beauty.

Way of the Heart

"What if?"

Eldredge, as he concludes Chapter One of Wild at Heart, asks this amazingly powerful question:

"What if those deep desires in our hearts are telling us the truth, revealing to us the life we were meant to live? God gave us eyes so that we might see; He gave us ears that we might hear; He gave us wills that we might choose, and He gave us hearts that we might live." (p. 18)

As a man, do you know you are powerful? As a man, do you know you have what it takes?

The journey continues...let us continue, as men, to seek our hearts.

Next Week: Wild at Heart (PART 2: In Whose Image?)

Who Am I, Anyway? Am I My Resume?

One of my favorite Broadway musicals is A Chorus Line. In one of the opening numbers, a dancer has a line that has been hidden in my heart for the past 28 years: "Who am I, anyway? Am I my resume?"

For the past 6 months, I've been unemployed. Through the grace of God, I have a certain level of job skills and talents, but apparently so do many other people who are also pursuing the jobs I'm not getting hired for.

Society (and Satan) would stick a variety of labels on me, hoping some will stick: jobless, homeless, penniless, addict, porno freak -- and, yes, even Christian. When I look into the mirror, I see only a reflection of who I am, gazing at the physical manifestation of a living, spiritual presence.

"Who am I, anyway?"

In looking to God, my Creator, and His living and active Word, I can find a more accurate description of who I was -- and have become.

"As for you," Paul tells us in his Letter to the Ephesians, "you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions -- it is by grace you have been saved." (Ephesians 2:1-5 NIV)

I challenge you to look into the mirror of God's Word -- do you see your fingerprints on any of what Paul describes?

At one time, all the labels fit. God, indeed, had mercy on me, a sinner. Who I wanted to be for nearly a quarter century was who I was without His grace -- and who I am today, saved only by His grace, is to be a work (created by God for His glory) that will continue until I meet the Lord.

"Am I my resume?"

As I wait faithfully for God to renew my opportunities to work and be responsible, I must look from the mirror, away from the piece of paper a resume is, and towards who it is that God saved me to be.

"And God raised us up with Christ," the apostle Paul continues in his letter, "and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages He might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:6-10 NIV, italics added)

As a man, as a Christian, I cannot boast of anyone or anything but the work Jesus did on the cross. Even my future employer will not see that qualification on my resume. Only through grace does God give me the strength and honestly to be who I am -- a sinner saved by grace, through faith alone.

So today I look towards Christ, the author and finisher of my faith. I can answer those questions:

"Who am I, anyway?"

I am Yours, Lord. Thank You for grace, mercy, and love.

"Am I my resume?"

No. And I look forward to doing even more of the good works God has prepared in advance for me to do. No matter where my resume is on His desk, I remain faithful to His call.

Home (less) for Him

"Do not let your heart be troubled..." (John 14:1 NASB)

After making the transition from a 1-bedroom apartment to the top bunk in a dorm room of a local homeless shelter, I rested in these words of Jesus. I felt like crying -- though in a room with fifteen other men a part of me shamed my heart into silence. The tears, though, wanted birth because I knew the Lord to be truthful. "...believe in God," Christ went on to say, "believe also in me." (v. 1)

What, as a man, do you believe?

I believe that God is fathering me at this point in my life, taking me back to past wounds -- even old places (you see, I've been to this particular shelter twice before in the last 10 years) -- in order to show me the depths of His love, grace, and mercy. I believe that He is taking me on the adventure of a lifetime (and eternity) in order to find the heart He redeemed. Isn't that what a little boy wants from his father -- someone to love him, teach him, protect him, and share the amazing story of growing up together? I believe this adventure can't be found sitting at home (or even sitting in church) -- I must be willing to trust the Lord with all my heart and be home less for Him.

"In my Father's house," Jesus told His disciples in the Gospel of John, "are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you." (John 14:2 NASB)

I believe that the place Christ has gone to prepare for me is a paramount reason I should be home less for Him. At the shelter this morning, one of the men I had just met the night before came up to me while I was sitting alone.

"You like the Bible?" he asked.

I smiled, knowing he had listened to me speaking with another man at the shelter (who is a Christian) about a passage in Paul's Letter to the Romans.

"Yes," I said.

"Would you like to talk sometime about certain passages?"

"Of course," I replied, once again knowing that the Lord was preparing a place for me -- with this particular circumstance, space within the shelter to speak to others about God's Word.

It's like men's work. My connection to The ManKind Project™ (http://www.mkpky.org/) also challenges me to be home less for Him. As a man with a Mission (to make manifest the glory of God by serving others with grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness), I seek to connect with my peers in engaging men's hearts and participating in the real time battle of masculine initiation with the goal of changing the world one man at a time.

Recently, I had the privilege and honor of being a Man of Service for the staff of a New Warrior Training Adventure™, a 3-day experiential weekend designed to challenge men to look deeply at who they are and how they consciously (and unconsciously) make life choices. I believe God used this blessing to have me pour out my heart in service because He is ready to pour in an amazing flow of new opportunity into my life -- which is now, as a believer, His home.

I want to be home less for Him. I believe to live out my Mission, I must take the risk each day to go into the work He opens before me. Even as I struggle in my sixth month of unemployment, the eyes of my heart are being opened to His preparation of new places for me to call home.

I want to go home to sub-Saharan Africa to mentor young boys left as orphans when their parents died due to the AIDS epidemic...

I want to go home to the Amazon River Basin and spend time with the villagers that my local church has been ministering to for years...

I want to build a new home from an old building my church owns, turning it into a healing refuge for those seeking freedom from addiction and a new life with Jesus...

And as this journey continues, I want to be homeless for Him -- and invite others to find their home in Him!