Wild At Heart (PART 3: The Question)

"Am I really a man? Have I got what it takes...when it counts?" (Eldredge, John. Wild at Heart. 2001: Thomas Nelson, Inc., p. 57)

I'm not ashamed to admit it: this question -- THE question -- haunts me in the corridors of power in the castle of my masculinity.

After the fall of man (Genesis 3:1-24), God said to Adam, "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat of the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return. (Genesis 3:17-19 NIV, italics added)

Obviously, this was the curse put upon man in relation to the damage done by sin -- but it also tells us of the power behind the Creator, the awesome force that could -- and would -- breathe life into dust and emblazon upon it the image of God. Such is the real DNA, the historical resume, of man.

In Chapter Three of Wild at Heart, author John Eldredge (http://www.ransomedheart.com/) challenges us, as men, to confront the caricatures our lives have become. Like a lion in a zoo cage, Eldredge ponders what living in a cage, over time, does to the heart of a man. At times, so do I...

"I've been unemployed for six months, and have been living in a homeless shelter for over one month; I haven't a penny to my name." Am I really a man?

"I'm clean and free from the addictive chains of drugs and pornography, but just like in the Garden, the deceitful lure of temptation will someday be placed in my path." Have I got what it takes?

"There will be moments in life when I will have to step up into the genuine power of my masculinity and speak my truth -- as a man and as a Christian. Will I do it?" ...when it counts?

Eldredge looks squarely into the mirror, and asks us to do the same. Am I -- are you -- really a man, a man who is fierce, passionate, and wild at heart? Let us continue our journey, and examine how easily a man created in the image of God, the Lion of Judah, can, as Dorothy Sayers wrote, become a victim to the world who "very efficiently pared the claws of the Lion of Judah," creating "a fitting household pet for pale curates and pious old ladies." Or, as Eldredge says, "How come when men look in their hearts they don't discover something valiant and dangerous, but instead find anger, lust, and fear?" (Wild at Heart, p. 41)

The Lion of Judah??

Perhaps the place a man's heart misses the mark the most is how and where he engages it. What is the battle between a man's fierceness and his fears?

"Without a great battle," Eldredge notes, "in which a man can live and die, the fierce part of his nature goes underground and sort of simmers there in a sullen anger that seems to have no reason." (p. 42)

Created in the image of God, we forget the power of our Creator -- and His purpose for giving us hearts that were made to engage great battles and epic adventures.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." (Isaiah 43:1-2 NIV)

What has happened to men -- is it more desirable to seek adventures or the thrill of the cubicle? Is it more exhilarating to "pass through the waters...the rivers...walk through the fire..." or lose perspective to fantasy football?

Make no mistake: the messages are clear. "So many guys have been told to put that adventurous spirit behind them and 'be responsible,' meaning live only for duty." (Wild at Heart, p. 43)

And, in the end, a man with only a sense of duty in his heart -- with no adventure -- will more than likely go in search of darker paths to follow. For years I struggled against the forces of drugs and pornography -- due, in part, to the fear of following the path of my deepest desires to create, initiate community, and actively seek a relationship with God.

"If a man does not find those things for which his heart is made, if he is never even invited to live for them from his deep heart, he will look for them in some other ways." (Eldredge, p. 44)

And God knows this: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV)

If we are not careful, if we become men who deny and kill God-created desires of our hearts, we may end up in dark places where all we'll know is that something has gone wrong.

Our Fear

"This is every man's deepest fear: to be exposed, to be found out, to be discovered as an impostor, and not really a man." (Wild at Heart, p. 45)

We, as men, are made by God, in His image, to come through. All throughout Scripture, God -- in all His incarnations -- comes through powerfully AND faithfully. Do I? Do you? Can I? Can you?

Take another step in front of the mirror -- go on, do it. Ask yourself: "How do I see myself as a man?" Choose a word to honestly describe yourself. Was it strong, passionate, or dangerous? If not, what was it? Would you have the courage to ask other men in your life what they think of you as a man? What would you fear they would say?

The point is, Eldredge reveals, "even though the desires are there for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue, even though our boyhood dreams once were filled with those things, we don't think we're up to it. Why don't men play the man? Why don't they offer their strength to a world desperately in need of it? For two simple reasons: We doubt very much that we have any real strength to offer, and we're pretty certain that if we did offer what we have it wouldn't be enough. Something has gone wrong and we know it." (Eldredge, p. 48)

What Is A Man For?

There have been many times lately when I've asked myself (and God), "What am I doing? What is my purpose?"

The desires of the heart are insightful to how we, as men, are designed -- and from that creative source, as men made in the image of God, the design (or archetypes) of how we are put together as men reveal the paths of destiny we choose to follow...or spend our lives running from.

There is great risk -- as a man -- for me to be all in to the adventure a relationship with God brings to me. As a man, I step into a world at war every day, opposing forces wanting to kill my heart's desire. And in the battle to rescue Eve, the first man -- Adam -- fell to the paralysis of fear and did nothing. He was right there as she was tempted, took the fruit she offered and ate -- yet did nothing to risk, fight, or rescue.

"He denied his very nature," Eldredge tells us, "and went passive. And every man after him, every son of Adam, carries in his heart now the same failure. Every man repeats the sin of Adam, every day. We won't risk, we won't fight, and we won't rescue Eve." (p. 51)

What is a man for? I believe that if I can't be authentic, then I'll only end up hiding...from myself, others, and from God.

Posers

In the Garden, after he failed himself (as a man), his wife (as husband and protector), and God (as servant), Adam hid.

"We are hiding, every last one of us. Well aware that we, too, are not what we were meant to be, desperately afraid of exposure, terrified of being seen for what we are and are not, we have run off into the bushes." (Wild at Heart, p. 52)

What, as a man, is your facade? How, as a man, are you faking your way through life? I have many masks, and I can pose my way in -- and out -- of life on a day-to-day mission of sabotaging my authenticity. I can choose to fight only the battles I know I can win, only such adventures my skills are matched to, or only those beauties I can easily rescue.

So, as a man, how do I answer THE question? Am I really a man? As a man, where do I look to find out the reasons why parts of my life don't work? Have I got what it takes...when it counts?

As our journey continues, we shall look at the place we all -- as men -- share in the individual and corporate story of what hurt us. But, in leaving you for now, I bless you with the words of Robertson McQuilkin (President Emeritus of Columbia International University) in a poem entitled, "Let Me Get Home Before Dark."

It’s sundown, Lord.
The shadows of my life stretch back
into the dimness of the years long spent.
I fear not death, for that grim foe betrays himself at last,
thrusting me forever into life:
Life with you, unsoiled and free.
But I do fear.
I fear the Dark Specter may come too soon—
or do I mean, too late?
That I should end before I finish or
finish, but not well.
That I should stain your honor; shame your name,
grieve your loving heart.
Few, they tell me, finish well…
Lord, let me get home before dark.
The darkness of a spirit
grown mean and small, fruit shriveled on the vine,
bitter to the taste of my companions,
burden to be borne by those brave few who love me still.
No, Lord. Let the fruit grow lush and sweet,
a joy to all who taste;
Spirit—sign of God at work,
stronger, fuller, brighter at the end.
Lord, let me get home before dark.
The darkness of tattered gifts,
rust-locked, half-spent or ill-spent,
A life that once was used of God
now set aside.
Grief for glories gone or
Fretting for a task God never gave.
Mourning in the hollow chambers of memory,
Gazing on the faded banners of victories long gone.
Cannot I run well unto the end?
Lord, let me get home before dark.
The outer me decays—
I do not fret or ask reprieve.
The ebbing strength but weans me from mother earth
and grows me up for heaven.
I do not cling to shadows cast by immortality.
I do not patch the scaffold lent to build the real, eternal me.
I do not clutch about me my cocoon,
vainly struggling to hold hostage
a free spirit pressing to be born.
But will I reach the gate
in lingering pain, body distorted, grotesque?
Or will it be a mind
wandering un-tethered among light
fantasies or grim terrors?
Of your grace, Father, I humbly ask…
Let me get home before dark.

Next Week: Wild At Heart (PART 4: The Wound)