Way back at the end of January (which, in one perspective, is a lifetime ago), I was in the process of breaking down, chapter by chapter, the book Wild at Heart by author John Eldredge (www.RansomedHeart.com). Today, I return to that path, with a beginning look into that chapter. And, being the heart artist I am, you'll now begin to read small, interweaving vignettes about my past lodged into the remaining breakdowns. Some of my more recent blogs, pertaining to church controversy, no longer serve me. I've chosen forgiveness instead of bitterness – I'm worth one and worthless in the other.
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The Source of Real Strength
"Guys are unanimously embarrassed by their emptiness and woundedness," Eldredge says; "it is for most of us a treacherous source of shame…" (Wild at Heart: 2001, Thomas Nelson, Inc., p.121)
Empty? Wounded? Ashamed? Culture and the world would certainly tell me a different story. After all, am I not my resume, my job, the amount of money I have in the bank, the thickness of my wallet, the length of my penis, the size of my house, the make and model of my car, the designer label on my clothes, the beauty and hotness of my wife, the cuteness of my kids, the amount of toys I own, the bulge of my muscles, the roar of my anger, etc. etc. etc.? "We are made to depend on God; we are made for union with Him and nothing about us works right without it," Eldredge submits. (p. 121)
Hopefully, you've read Wild at Heart. If not, I invite you, Christian man or not, pastor or homeless bum, theologian or addict, to give it a read. As my mentor and I begin to examine whether our mentorship relationship can find common ground in John's message and ministry (and, by this, I mean the tension that exists in men who are discovering and recovering their authentic masculinity vs. those who really haven't been introduced to theirs yet – and by the lack of something deeper in the men of the church instead of the "nice boy, dutiful servant" ethic that has for so long been spoon fed along with the Gospel), I continue on with this personal examination of what happens to me when I choose to face The Wound. Common sense would tell me that if I receive a wound, I would also like to receive healing. And the Enemy, in collusion with the world and my flesh, certainly don't want me to receive proper attention towards healing any wound I've received.
"This is where," Eldredge notes, "our sin and our culture have come together to keep us in bondage and brokenness, to prevent the healing of our wound. Our sin is that stubborn part inside that wants, above all else, to be independent. There's a part of us fiercely committed to living in a way where we do not have to depend on anyone—especially God." (p.121)
Of course, I agree, that most churches aren't missing the mark when they tell me that I need Jesus and His Gospel. But where am I getting the message from other men in my life, in church or outside of it, that tells me, deeply in my heart, that needing any kind of healing, from anyone or anything, is really a sign of weakness in my masculinity?
"Why is this important?" Eldredge asks. "Because so many men I know live with a deep misunderstanding of Christianity. They look at it as a "second chance" to get their act together. They've been forgiven, now they see it as their job to get with the program. They're trying to finish the marathon with a broken leg." (p. 122)
Jesus wasn't out there selling that kind of subscription, although, sadly enough, there are still millions of Christians buying into it.
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I was recently with several other men who were continuing on with me in the Band of Brothers that grew out of a 9-week book study of Wild at Heart earlier in the year. One of them, a younger man, was happy to hear that I was beginning a job search after not having worked for the past year.
"You need to work, Johnny," he said with this smile of both wisdom and truth. I asked him to explain his remark, and, obviously, he touched on his own life experiences of learning to work from an early age, how it helped him stay busy and out of trouble, and for the productiveness it gives to his esteem as a man.
"Exactly," I shared with him in return. "This is a way my own father really missed the mark with me." I told my friend how, even though my father was a hard working man all his life and a provider for his wife and children, he had missed a great opportunity to initiate me into a healthy and authentic masculinity by teaching me the importance of such a personal lesson of responsibility.
Jesus, you see, knew all of this…
"I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by Himself; He can do only what He sees His Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows Him all He does." (John 5:19-20)
Now – no, I really mean now – that's the kind of Father I need…and am grateful that I have, loving me, teaching me, showing me, initiating me, and inviting me into the places of healing that He brings to my wounds.
"You'll recall," Eldredge reminds his readers, "that masculinity is an essence that is passed from father to son. That is a picture, as so many things in life are, of a deeper reality. The true essence of strength is passed to us from God through our union with Him." (p. 122)
As men, the world drills it into us from the crib…anything less than whole is broken, and anything broken in a man is a source of shame. The church does the best it can, but it, too, falls short, heaping the shame of sin upon a sinner who, if he is really one with Christ, has already been forgiven. But the broken man will always be ashamed of what needs healing. So I have a question for the church: Why, if I'm forgiven, and my heart is ransomed and redeemed, should I or do I have to walk around with my wounds unhealed? In the strength of Jesus I am made whole…but is a whole man a dangerous man?
More likely than not, my wounds are not my fault.
"It is no shame that you need healing," Eldredge tells us; "it is no shame to look to another for strength; it is no shame that you feel young and afraid inside. It's not your fault." (p. 125)
Part of my personal struggle in living out the ministry God has called me to lies in understanding the simple reality that most men are afraid to admit they are wounded. They are childlike in their ignorance, macho in their denial. Calling out The Wound is of utmost importance…and, as we'll see in further posts here, God is not going to leave me hanging – or alone – in my journey into The Wound.
*For more information on entering The Wound through the strength and honor of men's work, visit The ManKind Project™ online at: www.mkp.org For more information on John Eldredge and Ransomed Heart Ministries, visit them online at: www.RansomedHeart.com
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